– Mark Edward –

When I’m not talking to you, I serve as a Claims Coach for one of the top auto insurers in the country.

My Day Job.

Recently, I monitored a call that made me cringe – yet at the same time, deeply saddened my Mentor’s heart.

On the other end was an outspoken, opinionated, and pushy mom — and her timid son. The son was the Policy Holder. And the vehicle owner. Mom was not on the policy.

As the young man attempted to describe what happened in the loss, the poor kid couldn’t get a word in edge wise.

“Maybe he’s 18 or 19,” I thought. And momma is just trying to educate her young son, a new driver, on the ins and outs of handing an accident.

I was wrong.

While monitoring the call, I saw that the Policy Holder was not 18 or 19.

He was 29 – almost 30.

My eyebrows raised. I literally gasped.

The testosterone normally rushing through my blood stopped cold for a second.

Mom would not let her son, an adult male nearing 30, owner of the policy, describe what happened in the accident in which he was the driver.

She spoke for him. His adult male voice was hushed to silence. It was like she had her hand over his mouth.

Like when he was 3. Not 30.

Restricted.

Chained to the house.

Caged even.

The Claims Rep asked about the damage to his Mustang GT.

The young man attempted to answer, but mom cut him off before he could begin describing the damage. His male ego, castrated.

That not all she was castrating. Plop plop.

When I’d Rather Talk to You Than Sleep™ launched in 2014, the top percentage of my readers were age 24, while the median age was 27.2, with readers ranging from age 18 to 40.

While this article is written with my younger “18 to 25” guys in mind, there are no doubt a couple of “thirty somethings” that still need to cut the apron strings.

How do I Know if I Haven’t Yet Made the Break?

Is momma still controlling your life?

Directly? Indirectly?

It’s easy to quickly answer, “no”, but think about it:

That decision you just made… did it please mom, or did it please you?

Or better yet, are you seeking to please your Father God?

Are you fearful around your mom?

Or do you walk with a respectful healthy confidence?

When Should I Cut the Strings?

The “right” time can vary from male to male.

Honestly, it greatly depends on your maturity level, not your age.

Generally, I believe it should begin as a process during high school.

By early to middle college, it would be healthy for most guys to be making many, if not all decisions regarding their lives.

What if my parents threaten to stop paying for _________ (fill in the blank) if I don’t fulfill their wishes for me?

Then they stop paying.

I’d rather be happy and peaceful in my own heart as a young man, even if I make mistakes (which I will learn from), than to be under the stress of always pleasing mom (and dad).

Or be manipulated by mom (or dad), post high school.

How Do I Cut the Apron Strings?

Trust and respect is earned by doing the “right thing”.

It doesn’t mean you won’t miss it, or make wrong decisions. It’s a process of proving yourself and living with integrity over the course of your late teens and early 20’s.

Yet, unfortunately, there are some parents, who, because of their own insecurities, just won’t let go.

They want the final say. Perhaps they want to fulfill their dreams vicariously through you.

Having a definitive “cutting the strings” meeting is important, necessary, and healthy.

My mom and I.
I was 24.

Having “The Meeting.”

Come up with your own words from your heart – but here’s a start:

Mom, thanks for joining me for lunch… you might think what I am about to say is a little odd, but I am meeting with you for a couple of reasons.

First, I want to thank you for all the sacrifices you have made to raise me. All the blood, sweat and tears, and prayers you have prayed… I can’t put a price on those.

But now that I am ____ (your age), it is time for me to take full charge of my life. I am at the place where I will be making my own decisions. I may not always seek your guidance.

I will not always be consulting with you or Dad. You might not always know every detail about my life.

Every man has to fly on his own. I can never thank you for helping bring me to this point in my life…

You are not responsible for how mom responds.

She may be understanding.

She may be emotional.

She may be angry.

She may disagree.

She may give you her blessing.

Regardless, when you make the cut, you don’t seek to sew yourself back to her.

Although you will always be connected in your hearts, you are now physically and emotionally responsible for your decisions.

What Cutting the Apron Strings IS:

– Making your own decisions without mom’s “approval.”

– Paying your own way even when mom still could. (Nothing wrong with parents helping as long as their motive is not to seek control over your decisions – no strings attached.)

– Taking the classes your want to take.

– Staying out until you decide to come home. This is easier when you are under your own roof, or when you have proven that you can be trusted on the streets at 1 a.m.

– Doing your own laundry, even when mom could.

– Cooking for your self (nothing wrong with mom cooking – just that it’s time for you to be more independent).

– Helping with bills if you still live at home and are out of college.

– Living on your own or with roommates — even if your parents have the space.

– Dating who you are attracted to.

– Choosing and marrying the woman you believe God has for you.

– Making decisions about your work and destiny in life.

– And later, siding with your wife should a conflict arise between your mom and your spouse. Hopefully you won’t have to choose sides – but it can happen.

What Cutting the Apron Strings is NOT:

– Excluding mom completely from your life.

– Being rude or disrespectful towards mom when she gives her strong opinion, or tries to tell you what to do. This does not mean you can’t speak up – it’s how you speak up.

“Mom, I love and appreciate you – and thanks for the advice, but I’ve decided to major in ___________ (your desired major) – not __________ (mom’s desire and plan).”

– Refusing to be open to any occasional healthy, non-threatening advice from mom, ever again.

– Failing to show gratitude for all the sacrifices she has made over your life.

– Not visiting mom or calling occasionally, simply to prove you are now “independent.”

If you are still uncomfortable calling or visiting, rather than confident, then you haven’t fully Cut the Apron Strings.

You haven’t fully made the break. You haven’t released yourself from her grasp.

What about Dad?

Dad may not wear an apron, although some dad’s do.

Hopefully your dad at least wears the pants and not Momma, bahaha.

We’ll be releasing a post later called, “Letting Go of the Belt Loops.” Dad’s belt loops. There is a right and wrong way to become your own man.

But for now, what about mom?

When Are You Going to Respectfully Have “The Meeting?”

P.S. Pay for the meal.

Feel free to reply below or email us privately if you don’t want your mother stalking your personal business.

We never share email addresses.

We won’t blow up your IN box. We don’t air your dirty laundry. Ever.

This article was first published on the site, I’d Rather Talk ™

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