Fast Forward to May, 1995.

Father’s Day.  1997.  Finally our Boy is Coming.

At home, in our bedroom, an experienced midwife delivered our 3rd amazing beautiful blond-headed, athletic, fashion-conscious child.

This time, when we viewed “the parts,” we laughed.

With joy.  Still ecstatic and elated.  With the cord around the neck for too long, and her life jeopardized, God’s hand touched her.

Girl number 3.

Madison Blake became Sierra Lane.

Perhaps a male dog that will hump the chair or a guest’s leg now and then to validate his male dog-masculinity right?

Maybe I did under my breath.  Maybe I didn’t.

Disappointed about having no boys?

Nope.  Not on your life.  Not even for one micro-second.

It didn’t take me long in my parenting journey to realize God created me and equipped me to be a successful father to girls.  I have deeply treasured the journey.

For some reason, there are plenty of boys hanging around the house, anyway.

And, I’ve had the honor of stepping in as a mentor/surrogate father to many young men over the years that God has sent our way.

Interesting enough, My grandfather had 3 daughters and no sons.

And — The oldest of his daughters (my aunt) also had 3 daughters and no sons.  One of those daughters (my cousin) had only girls.

Guess it runs in the genes.

I used to wonder how my grandfather and my uncle survived “on their own” with no other males in the house to stand on their side during testosterone and estrogen wars.

Years back, I coined the phrase, “The House of Estrogen” to describe my journey with my girls.

Sometimes the rush of estrogen is a flood.

Or a Tsunami.

I am one of the least chauvinistic males you will ever meet.

I believe my girls shall accomplish anything they put their heart to.  And do it as well as, or better than, a man.

As for my wife, she’s from Oklahoma.  You don’t mess with her.

Back her in a corner, and she’ll come out roaring like a bear defending her cubs. And clawing. And biting.

You will lose.

It is about how to successfully live with several women.

Under the same roof.

Here’s how, with God’s help, I have succeeded at being the sole male (and a first-born-musician-only-child at that) – in a house full of women.

Here Goes:

1.  I’ve Become a Skilled Listener

Not just a good listener.  Not even a great listener.

A skilled listener.

There’s a difference.

A skilled listener puts down his phone, shuts his laptop, mutes (or turns off) the big-screen when his wife or kids approach him with questions or need advice.

I also listen between the lines.

With their calculated approach to me and their “planned” words, what are they really saying without saying it?

At times, I hate to admit it, but I do like my private, quiet space.

Daily.

I am sometimes a selfish first-born beast when I am tired, or I need to eat.  I am still learning to suck it up, listen with big ears and a bigger heart.

Long manly answers are usually forgotten.

Remembered, is a smile or just a hug.

With no words.

Except, “I love you and I am proud of you.”

2.  I Major on the Majors.  Minor on the Minors.

Honestly.

The stuff we first born-musician-only-child dad’s get tiffed over.

So you borrowed my best widget and broke it.  Will it really matter a year from now?  A month from now?  Is it worth blowing up about?

So your outfit isn’t exactly what I would pick.

Your music…. well, is that really music?

If it’s not filling your head with subliminal messages to kill your father, should I care?

“Majors” are things that impact your kids safety, their health, & their future:

Life shortening habits, improper eating or sleeping, or (big one):

Toxic relationships.  Even then, as they grow up, those decisions should be come more “theirs” and less “yours.”

“Minors” are things like:  the color of their room, the color of their hair, the color of their tattoo(s), the color of their clothes…

stuff that is fluid and changes with the wind.

95 % of what we dads whine about won’t matter 6 months from now.

Holding your tongue is a difficult.

But a necessary tool for keeping a ship of females afloat.

Is what I am about to say beneficial, helpful, healing, encouraging, correcting (with love) – or is it harsh, overbearing, overpowering?

Often, what I feel the urge to say when emotions are high, wasn’t right for the situation (or even accurate) – after I heard the entire story.

I try to not to raise my voice when I am angry, although, one of my children, who shall remain nameless, has pushed me over the edge a few times.

Still, the level at which I express my feelings…the level of harshness, or the level of the God Kind of Love that is exuded…

is still up to me.

If I’d known how difficult it was to raise kids, I would have stayed a virgin. –Lillian Gordy Carter (President Jimmy Carter’s Mother)

Apples to Apples, Summerhill Place, Georgia, 2012

6. I Watch Chick Shows

I participate in chick stuff.

Playing with less than masculine toys when they are little, being interested in clothing, nails, and shoes, shampoos and makeup.

And providing the money without making them complete a 5 page questionnaire as to why these girl things are so vital.

When money is tight, I have brought out the questionnaire at times haha.  I don’t recommend it.

Yes, there is a limit of course.

If you can’t shell out, just explain why in a kind way.

Offer hope for the desired purchase in the future.

But if you are not watching chick shows and doing girl stuff with your girls (and wife), you are missing important opportunities for closeness.

House Hunters, Yes to the Dress,  and a long list of chick flicks…

Well…maybe not Yes to the Dress.

My interaction with my male friends, and the guys in my Mentoring Circle over the years, has given me the “testosterone charge” to handle the chick stuff in a positive way. 

7. I Validate and Affirm Them.  

Often.

Heartfelt, positive, words.

“I love spending time with you.”

 

” You are beautiful.”  

 

“You are so bright and so wise.”  

 

“God has a incredible plan for you and your future.”  

 

“One of the happiest days of my life was the day you were born / the day I met you.”

Offer affirmation.

Offer it daily.

Note:  This is not just a ‘girl’ thing.

Guys need affirmation too, with a more masculine delivery.” It’s one of the reasons why I mentor.

8.  Late Night “Emergency” Runs

What would an article on how to live with four women and a girl dog be without the obligatory mention of Emergency Runs?

Emergency Runs always happen late at night, cuz, well, for some reason, that’s when they “run out.”

Tampons, Midol, feminine napkins, pads.

Pads!

There are 8 Cazillion shapes and sizes of said pads.  

Petite, regular, extra regular, extra absorbent, long, extra long, and repeat all of those —  with or without wings.

My suggestion?

At home, take a picture of box & brand she loves.  Keep it in your phone.

WOW her with your ability to “remember” which one of the 8 Cazillion shapes she uses.

Or in my case, THEY use.

These won’t hurt you if you touch them.

Install a machine in their bathroom at home.  50 cents each.

Pays for Cars, College, and Weddings.

 

Hey, guys, don’t be shy in the female aisle.

Pick out their brands like a real man.

Better yet, impress the ladies in the aisle who are trying to pretend like you are not there.

Or, if there’s another guy attempting to pick out the right brand/size/shape for his women, be sure to exclaim loudly, “Hey dude, have you ever tried these?”  

Hold up package to the side of your head, with a big Vanna White smile.

Helpful Hint #1:  Never call home from the Female Aisle.  That indeed does make you look stupid and shows your extreme lack of knowledge about your woman’s needs.

 

Helpful Hint #2:  Extra compassion, sensitivity, and patience are required during the Time of the Month.

 

Helpful Hint #3:  Sometimes, Emergency Runs involve food cravings, or beauty product “emergencies”, not just feminine products.

Is there any chance everyone could be on the rag at the same time (so that we can all endure the pain together and get it over with)?

I think that’s a myth.

 Tarpon Springs, Florida, 2013.  Life-threatening Eating Disorder Survivor.  

Her name means “Higher Place.”

9. I Pray for Them.

The effectual and heart felt prayer of the righteous man (that is you and me because of Jesus), brings much progress.

So, I keep after it.

I can’t imagine how my family would have made it – or not made it – without prayer.

Without God being The Center.

A daughter needs a dad to remind her of the comfort of being held near & feeling secure.
— Gregory E. Lang

Making it Real

If you could only take two nuggets away from this article, #1 and #9 are half the journey.

Disclaimer:

I wish I could I say I successfully did all 9 every day of my life.

But I didn’t.

I am human.  Like you.

But I keep trying.

Try with me.

What Can You Adjust, Allowing You to Live More Peaceably With the Women in Your Life?