– Mark Edward –
The date was Monday, January 3, 1977.
The inspiration came from one of my youth pastors:
“Mark, you should really think about journaling. It will change your life.”
I was but a young lad of 13.
I took his suggestion seriously. And he was right.
Some 19 volumes, 3,000 pages, and 43 years later (as of 2020) – I am still journaling.
Spanning 5 different decades, it has morphed into an epic.
The experience of looking back and seeing how far I’ve come, has impacted my life for the better, enriching my soul in equally epic proportions.
Try repeating those last 3 words 10 times real fast.
I wrote HERE how journaling forever changed my life and how easily you can get started.
And hey, you don’t have to write daily.
There have been times when a couple of years passed without writing.
The most amazing benefit is looking back 25 years from now (2014), in 2039, and re-living what God did in your life.
For now, here are a few insights into what was on my mind from the onset of puberty, my late teens, 20’s, 30’s and beyond.
Perhaps you will identify with my thoughts, and see “yourself” in some of these pages…
Actual Volume One, Page 1 – January 3, 1977
“Plan, Purposes, & Pursuits” is a great short book on finding God’s plan and destiny for your life, written by the late Kenneth E. Hagin, a spiritual mentor.
You just can’t go wrong by seeking God first in everything, for the purpose of bringing God the Glory.
It keeps pride at bay.
Still reminding myself this one often.
You can’t “make” real ministry happen.
It’s an overflow of time spent with your Father God in The Secret Place. It doesn’t have to be 3 hours a day.
It didn’t work out.
She wasn’t the right one.
But she was cute and she sure cut and styled my hair with awesomeness. And friends, that is hyper important at age 23, when you are out to impress the female species (and yourself). At least I was learning the importance of my future mate loving God passionately. More than she loved me.
I knew for certain that was what I wanted.
Quote is 1.5 years before I met my wife.
Picture is Our Wedding day, 2.5 years later.
Looks like I really had my future mate “loving God more” on my heart.
This is the second similar entry in two months.
Three years prior to this entry, in 1984, I became engaged to an amazing singer in Dallas. She was my high school sweetheart. We had been inseparable since I was 15.
Three months before the wedding, at age 21, I backed out.
I didn’t have peace.
My decision sent shock waves through our families, and our musical community (we were on tour nationwide). Except for my closest inner circle, many did not understand. I loved her in our own youthful way.
To the surprise of many, I didn’t marry her.
She passed away at age 35.
While I probably could have married my high-school singer-sweetheart in 1984, and God would have blessed us has much as He could have, I am so very glad I waited for His best.
In December of 1986, I moved from chic and urban Seattle to a cold, brown, flat, Broken Arrow, Oklahoma. We previously passed through there on tour, & I would always say to my fellow musicians, “I could never live in a town like this.”
Never say never.
God had the woman of my dreams in the middle of Brown Town.
Less than 3 months after this entry, I asked Jamie to marry me on a casual evening trip to Oklahoma City. She accepted. We kissed. We kept our clothes on.
The woman I waited for loves me extraordinarily. But she loves God more.
I waited. I got what I said I wanted in these entries. And so much more more.
I’ve never looked back.
Three Days Before My Wedding.
I was 26.
That’s what I endeavor to do here. Help you.
In Job’s darkest hour of enormous and shattering losses, he “prayed for his friends.” He reached out to others. God restored him and gave him double for his trouble. The latter years of his life were better than the former.
At the time of this writing (2013), I”m in one of my darkest hours. I could lose a child.
I am believing for that.
He’s no respecter of persons.
How about You?
Before I was married, I toured nationwide, a total of 8 years, some 300,000 miles.
At the entry above, I was 20 years old, and had already toured 4 years. I am glad I was willing to give up a great position in a high rise office building to pursue God’s call on my life.
The purging and pruning that took place in me on the road shaped the course of the rest of my life as a husband, father, leader, mentor, extra father to many, and musician.
Is God telling you to stay? Or step out and go?
Take that step and do whatever He is showing you.
Way down on the inside.
Somehow, God got me through college.
After this post, I worked at convenience store for $4.25 an hour, delivered pizza in the evenings, and drove a school bus at 5:30 a.m. I worked 3 jobs.
I attended classes, volunteered as musician, and began dating my wife. I over did it, for sure.
Wisdom nugget: Young men should slow down and rest more.
How automobiles have changed in 35 years.
These are classics now! The Toyota Supra Turbo had a removable one-piece targa roof, like a Porche. The Lincoln LSC had air suspension and freeform European headlamps (the first american car to have them).
I’ve owned a Lexus, Nissan, Kia, Hyundai, and 8 Hondas. I still want a new Acura.
Which one would you pick from this 35 year old list?
The company that managed one of the groups I toured with booked us nightly, weeks upon end, with no break and no time to rest or enjoy the road. Twenty hour days are too much – long term – even for a 21 year old.
It was insane.
I reached a point of major burn out at age 21. It’s been said, “Work hard. Play hard.” But rest and reflection should be in there too. Especially for us Creatives.
Rest often gentlemen. Quietness. Electronics off.
There is no guilt in resting and refueling.
If you do, you’ll go the distance. You’ll go the long haul.
I was 25 at this entry.
Apparently, guys weren’t allowed to write the word “masturbation” in their journals in 1988.
Although, I have found other entries where I did write the word out. Or use slang terms. This entry sounds so formal, haha.
I was so grateful to have two godly roommates who openly discussed the subject of masturbation.
We each discovered we were not the only single Bible school students doing it. We found that we all did it 2 or 3 times a week or more. We found out it was a heck of a lot easier to pray, study the bible and complete assignments when we didn’t have “the burn.”
When we didn’t feel like punching holes through wall due to pent up sexual tension.
I wish someone would have talked to me about this at 14. It would have saved me much unnecessary guilt during adolescence and my early twenties.
I don’t condone porn or obsessive masturbation. But controlled relief is probably not a big deal. Each man must decide for himself.
If you are struggling with your decision on masturbation, you can learn more HERE.
I was 22.
“The Battle” was trying to understand masturbation and my own sexuality.
I didn’t have anyone I could talk to about it until I was 25.
At 23, I decided to “schedule” sexual release.
I was living alone in Seattle. The was much opportunity for boredom and loneliness.
My goal was to find a balance between being male, accepting sexual release without shame – and being obsessed.
So grateful for my 2 college room mates.
I was 25. We had some candid and honest conversations about being male. I realized I wasn’t a pervert.
I was 20 years old.
My father and mother taught me the importance of getting alone with God.
Honestly, above everything else, that is what has sustained me the most in the tsunamis of life. Six days after this entry, I flew to Virginia Beach, Virginia, and was hired “full time” on the road with The Spurrlows. We ministered nightly in churches around the nation. I didn’t get back home until Christmas.
When you are out of your comfort zone and away from your family, you really become a man.
It’s you and God.
Almost 47 here.
I Had already walked with God for closely for 40 years (accepted Jesus at age 7).
I was playing keys for 12,000 people every week in the second largest Assembly in the nation and loving every minute of it. Lives were being changed. Yet, I was unfulfilled in my secular job and it felt as if God has abandoned me in that area.
He hadn’t. He was waiting on me to draw close and be refreshed by Him.
A minister I really don’t care for that much taught this (years before this entry) and it stuck with me.
If you lock yourself into your own little denominational box, determined that you can only learn from those who are strictly “a part of your camp”, you won’t grow that much. You won’t be balanced.
You’ll be warped. You’ll be spiritually weird.
Your group is not the elite.
If God sends a donkey (an ass?) to speak to you, listen up.
What’s your favorite journal quote here?
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Copyright © 2014, 2020 by Mark Edward – All Rights Reserved
This article was first published on the site, I’d Rather Talk ™
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