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What I Learned During 30 Days off the Social Media (And Other Musings on The Glowing Rectangle)

 

|  Mark Edward  |

The average person spends 116 minutes per day on the social media.*  

Over a lifetime, this translates into 5 years and 4 months. 

More time than we spend eating.  Or grooming.

Or socializing in person.

Net Gens (born 1995 and after) spend up to 9 hours per day on social media platforms.  

In an effort to clear my brain, restore my soul, and look toward the future, I decided to take a 30 day break from all social media.

After some withdrawal, lights came on inside my heart while I was unplugged.

Here’s a few insights from those 30 days.

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25 Tips for Fathers of Daughters

|  Mark Edward  |

I raised 3 daughters.

I absolutely loved the journey.  I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

#thehouseofestrogen has been an often used hashtag over the years in my posts.  And for good reason.

At times I’ve felt like I was flooded with estrogen.  Drowning in it even, bahaha.

But with the help of my mentors and my God, I’ve learned to adapt to – and not fight – the power of estrogen. 

Flow with it even.

Or try to.

My previous post “25 Tips for Fathers of Sons” is one of my favorite writings for dads.

I’ve adapted some of those tips with some personal experiences and appropriate adjustments for daughters – and added some that apply more to daughters than to sons.

Dads of daughters, and future dads with daughters.  Grab a latte.  I know you’ll identify.

Enjoy!

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ShorTTake: The Principle of 1601: Why You Can’t Stop Trying

|  Mark Edward  |

 ShorTTake™

ShorTTakes™ can be read in 3 minutes.  Or less.

Guys talk to me every week about their struggles. 

What they perceive as their weaknesses.

Often, it has something to do with testosterone.  

Few have anyone to talk to about it.  But I go there with them.  No judgement. 

Mark, I keep trying, but it catches me off guard when I least expect it.  I try to stop doing _________ (fill in the blank).  I think I’ve conquered.  Then – crap (or other choice words, haha).  It hits me again.

We all have this thing hanging between our legs which – at times – seems more powerful than our will.

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25 Tips for Fathers of Sons

|  Mark Edward  |

So I raised 3 daughters.

What could a dad like me possibly know about parenting boys?

Over the last 41 years, I’ve had the honor and joy of journeying with over 200 young men in a mentoring role.

Being directly involved in their growth – some for a season – and many over the long haul, I feel like I’ve helped raise a few boys too.  Plus… well — I was one.

A number of them have stayed at our home, sometimes for extended periods.

They tell me stuff.

I listen.

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PORN: Your Journey Out

|  Mark Edward  |

One of the biggest challenges young men face in the 21st Century is the emotional separation created by the use of porn.  

I have observed regular porn use ruin the marriages of men with whom I’ve journeyed.  

Legacies Lost.  Families Broken. Not just 1 or 2.  

I’ve seen porn deceive and weaken single men to the point where sexual desire becomes god.  And God seems silent.

Now, with Pocket Porn – glaring from The Glowing Rectangle in our jeans pocket  – it’s the number one thief in the lives of young men today.  

(Courtesy Shutterstock)

Porn steals the confidence, masculinity, peace, joy, relationships, and the God ordained sexual happiness of the young male.

I won’t re-post them now, but you can view what I call “mind boggling” stats of millenial porn use in our previous post (PORN: It’s Not About the Pics) – link is later in this article.

Plus, you can read our own Anonymous Porn Survey Results.  There’s a second link for those results later, at the bottom of this article.

There is little that is more powerful in a man’s psyche than his sexual thoughts.

Sex is a God-given desire.

Sexual desire doesn’t have to be dirty.

Men shouldn’t feel guilty when they are horny.  God meant sexual release for our enjoyment.

Yet, porn perverts our sexual desires.  And our sexual joy.  Porn exchanges The Real for The Fake.

Sexual desire is enormously powerful.  God made us to ejaculate.  But, with no boundaries, sexual desire binds us.

With no self control, it controls us.  It holds us captive.

You may be reading this and feel that you are captive.

Trapped.

Smothered.

Choked.

Imprisoned.

Is there a way out?

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The Isolation Trap

|  Mark Edward  |

 ShorTTake™

ShorTTakes™ can be read in 3 minutes.  Or less.

Isolation is not the same thing as Taking Time Alone.  

In fact, the two behaviors are polar opposites.

Both behaviors are choices.

Observing the journeys of my grown children, guys in my Circle, and even my wife’s journey of renewal and learning to caring for herself again after trauma, has inspired me to share more with you about isolation.

ShorTTakes are short and sweet.  Give me 3 minutes guys.

The Difference Between Isolation and Taking Time Alone

Isolation Reverses.

Taking Time Alone Restores.

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Your Man Journey

 

|  Mark Edward  |

I’m sitting in the Pavilion Crossing Starbucks in Tampa Bay, thinking back on the thousands of conversations I have experienced with the young men in my Circle over the last 37 years.

Because I am crazy auditory, I can repeat some of them word for word – years later.

 

starbucks coffee

One of the supreme joys of my life is meeting with young men weekly.  One on one.  

Talking to guys around the nation by phone, text, and Face-time.  It’s what I am meant to do.  

I’ve heard everything in 37 years of mentoring, that’s for sure.

Besides the typical curious questions on sexuality, one of the most frequent and heartfelt statements that fall on my musician ears goes something like this:

Mark… I just wanna be the best man / husband / dad / son of God I can be.  

 

What should I do?  Where do I start?  

 

Can you help me?

With great passion, I answer with affirmation:

Yes.  I can.  

Let’s work on it together.  Let’s get a plan.

So, does it really matter if you complete your Man Journey?

…

Blocked Out Locked Out

|  Mark Edward  |

 

“It’s time to serve an eviction notice to those who mistreat you, constantly accuse you.  Those who only need you around when they need something.”

—  KJ Pothier

I’ve served eviction notices to a small number of people in my life over the years.  

I am a much happier, significantly freer man, for it.

I have taught my children (and am still teaching the guys in my Circle) to do exactly the same when the situation calls. 


Some religious leaders have wrongly taught or implied that “Walking in Love” means you have to smile all the time and be “christianese nice” to everyone — because the love of God is inside us.

Indeed, the love of God is resident in our hearts.

That doesn’t mean we overlook someone’s toxic behavior or destructive motives.

Or dismiss their volatile anger by shrugging our shoulders and saying,  “Oh, they’re just ‘bold’ in the Lord.”

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ShorTTake: I Just Really Need Peace

|  Mark Edward  |

 ShorTTake™

ShorTTakes™ can be read in 3 minutes.  Or less.

At the writing of this post, I’ve been following one of the worst mass shootings in U.S. History.  

As a resident of Florida, the grief felt by my fellow citizens cuts into my heart.  With so much indescribable pain, how do we find peace?

A young man recently wrote me, “Some days I’m okay — and some days I’m not. Honestly, I just really need peace.”  

Flash Forward to 2020. 

COVID19.  The fight to end racism. The Need for Racial Equality.

Political Upheaval.  National Anger.  Unrest. 

Division. 

To Mask or Not to Mask.

This post is not about having all the answers to the pain which leaves us speechless.

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Second Hand Lions – What You Need to Know About Your Wedding Night and Honeymoon.

The article, Second Hand Lions, is intended to educate young men who are about to be married, or are newly wed.

Young men a bit further in their marriage journey, may benefit from this post as well.

The content of this post offers a straightforward, transparent conversation about how you can prepare for your wedding night, honeymoon, and your first year of marriage.

NOTICE_THIS_AREADid you just look up and around for a second, bahaha?

“By clicking on the ‘Continue Reading —->’ link below, I certify that I am 18 years of age or older, and that I want to receive insight about the sexual happiness of my upcoming marriage, or my existing marriage.”

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The Man Tank | Three Plains of Authentic Friendships | Part 1

|  Mark Edward  |

The longer I mentor, the more I am convinced:

There’s a colossal boatload of lonely males in America.

Surrounded by buddies. Having no authentic friends.

It’s an epidemic really.  With Americans spending an alarming 4.7 hours a day* on The Glowing Rectangle (that thing you are reading this post on), there’s little time for nourishing friendships face to face.  

Eye to eye.

Smiling big on the outside.  Big time empty on the inside.

Many Vintage Photos Show Displays of
Manliness and Masculine Affection
Quite Foreign to us Now
(cred:  The Art of Manliness)

 

By empty, I mean their Man Tank is empty.

…

The Man Tank | Three Plains of Authentic Friendships | Part 2

|  Mark Edward  |

I declared this in Part 1, but I’m gonna say it again:  

There’s a colossal boatload of lonely males in America.

Surrounded by buddies. Having no authentic friends.

We’re going all out on this site, and in our Mentoring Circles, to change that – by teaching young men how to nurture authentic friendships.

 

In Part 1, we talked about what I call The Man Tank™.   The Man Tank is that part of a man’s soul that longs for healthy, wholesome, long-lasting relationships with other males.

The Man Tank is why Athletes athlete together.  Creatives creative together.  Musicians musician together.

Best Friends | 1945

 

We looked at how The Man Tank can be filled on 3 distinct Plains.   In Part 2, we’re going to talk about

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ShorTTake: Post Christmas Blues?

– Mark Edward –  

ShorTTake™

ShorTTakes™ can be read in 3 minutes.  Or less.

“Well…  Christmas is OVER.”

I wish I had an American dollar bill for every time I heard my dad say that while growing up.  Solemnly spoken, sorta moping, usually a week or so after Christmas – as far back as I can remember.

Don’t get me wrong.  My dad is an amazing man.  My Hero!

I inherited my desire to encourage others from him.  Along with his amazingness,  he’s always fought a bit of the “blues” after Christmas — wishing the joys of family, food, lights, and gifts could last just a little longer — sometimes with larger than life expectations.

Feeling a little blue after Christmas?

Think you’re the only one?

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