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What To Do When You Miss It

 – Mark Edward –

On a balmy April evening I received a late night text from one of the guys in My Circle.

I’ve been a night owl my entire life, so, unless I’m hanging with my family, I’m easy to reach late. 

The young man seemed troubled.  He was at his wit’s end.  

He asked if he could stop by.

Seven minutes later he arrived in my driveway.

He appeared a bit sheepish.

As I do with all the guys I mentor, I looked him in the eye and I greeted him with a strong man-hug, which sends the message, “You are accepted, and affirmed, no matter what you are about to tell me.”

We jumped in his truck.

When I have private conversations with other men, I leave the house to keep them that way:

Private.

As he drove, the loathsome look on the young man’s face screamed, “I feel crummy.”

A section from my journal written later that night explains why:

…

ShorTTake: The Next Step Toward Destiny

|  Mark Edward  |

In A Hurry?  ShorTTakes™ are 3 minutes.  Or Less.

For God’s gifts and His call are irrevocable.

He never withdraws them when once they are given.

He does not change His mind about those to whom He gives His grace or to whom He sends His call.

– Romans 11:29 AMPL

I’ve had many calls with men asking about Destiny.

What does God have for me?

What should I do next?

…

ShorTTake: You’re a Son of the Most High God

|  Mark Edward  |

(In A Hurry?  ShorTTakes are 3 minutes.  Or Less.)

Even in darkness I cannot hide from you Lord.

To You the night shines as bright as day.  Psalm 139:12 

 

The years 2011 through 2018 were some of the darkest days of my personal journey. 

The brutal death of my wife’s mother.

Loss of other extended family relationships once held dear.

Miscarriage experienced by one of my adult daughters (my grandchild).

Cancer treatment (and full recovery) of another daughter.

The near death of one of yet a third daughter.  Twice.

…

Survey Results: What Men Want to Talk About

We launched I’d Rather Talk to You Than Sleep™ in January of 2014, asking our first viewers to complete a simple survey.  You Were Very Honest.  We got a lot to talk about!

Stats round up to nearest percentage.

man writing

64% of men invited to the survey, responded.  That’s great for busy Millenials.  Thanks Gentlemen!

An overwhelming 61% of men who completed the survey, gave their name.
Brave and Honest Souls (always kept secure and private).

Age Demographics: 

18                         8%

19                         0%

20                         3%

21                         3%

22                         3%

23                         8%

24                        17%        *

25                         11%

26                         11%

27                         11%

28                         11%

29                         8%

30                         6%

31-35                    14%

36-40                    6%

Over40                  6%

Our median age at launch age is 27.2 years old.

Glad to see some younger guys joining.  Now is the time to get questions answered and get wisdom.

Also glad to see many of the 30-something married guys in my circle responding.  Thanks for sticking with me over the years guys.

wedding_medium

Marital Groups:

Married Total                                         53%

Out of those Married

Married with Children                                          22%

Newlywed (3 years or less)                                  17%

Married                                                             14%

Single                                                     42%

Divorced                                                  3%

Soon to be Engaged                                 3%

Engaged                                                  none

Wish I was Divorced                                  none (good)

I’d Rather Talk to You Than Sleep™ does not judge, discriminate, or value any marital “status” above another.

Here’s What You Said You Struggle With

(Names Removed to Protect the Innocent, haha – and in random order):

-Being intentional with my family (so far just the two of us), not just reacting to what life brings; building strong, life-long friendships; developing a practical, daily/weekly relationship with God…and maintaining it!

-Contentment versus Ambition (the balance in the conflict).

-Staying on track day to day. I become pretty compulsive and uncontrolled when it comes to dreaming & thoughts.

-Can’t think of a specific right at this moment.

-Everything.

-Worry.

-Knowing where to go next.

-Staying positive especially when things are going wrong

-Doubt, Masturbation, Lack of confidence.

-I don’t really care about all this “God” stuff anymore.

-Self-Loathing.

stock-footage-depressed-sad-young-man

-How to lead a relationship (It seems to be a mapless highway).   Also, what’s it mean to be spiritually centered (what’s that look like in relation to: me personally, relationship, dating, relatives, etc.)?

-Fear of being a failure in life as a husband, father, man….and just a human contributing to society.

-Not wanting to fight anymore…giving up on pressing forward with God.

-Confidence in my manliness. So many times I feel like the girls I’m interested in aren’t interested back. However, I don’t want to settle for someone that likes me, but they’re not everything I’m looking for.

-Finding time to spend with God.

-It seems to change. Right now it would be loving others with the God kind of love.

-Insecurities.

-Superiority Complex. Pushing away family member from my life. Bitterness and pride.

-Life.

-Money.

-Controlling my negative emotions and handling stress with family life.

-Leadership.

-Lust.

-Self-control.

-Self confidence.

-Same sex attraction.

-Anger.

And the Number One Topic You Want to Talk About Is…..

hand and cash

1. Money – 58%

(Managing what you have better; giving; saving; budgets)

2. Marriage – 47%

(Your Wife – Your Woman. How to Survive Estrogen Floods. I should know right?)

Leadership – 47%

(What a real leader is. What a real leader does.)

3. Actually Using the Bible – 44%

(Creating Arsenals of Defense from God’s Word in Areas Where You Struggle)

Mentoring – 44%

(You aren’t too young to start. I was 20.)

4. Wisdom – 42%

(Gaining it. Keeping it.)

Leadership – 42%

(Influence. Serving. Loving. Relating. Listening. Repeat.)

5. Self Control / Our Part – 36%

(Does anyone even have this any more?)

Relationships: Dating – 36%

Building female relationships with purity

Rest & Relaxation – 36%

(Do you ever unplug? You need to. Here’s how)

Thought Life – 36%

(What you think about is what you will become)

6. Emotions- 33%

(Anger, Joy, Jealousy, Hate, Love, Pride, Fear, Doubt)

Work & Productivity – 33%

(Managing your day with something left for you)

Relationships: Friendships – 33%

Success in friendships / overcoming strife & conflict

7. Sexuality: Masturbation – 31%

(In the past, we’ve had more questions about this than any other topic)

Peace- 31%

(Getting it and Keeping it)

Fathers & Sons – 31%

(A lot of guys still have unresolved issues with Dad. It’s not too late.)

iStock_000026546341Medium

8. Freedom / Overcoming -28%

(Getting free from what holds you back, including yourself)

Sonship: Prayer-28%

(Interacting with God. For Real.)

Temptation, Sin & Repentance – 28%

(We can always blame Satan, right?)

Relationships: Work – 28%

(Surviving the controlling or witchy boss – I wanted to type ‘another’ word – I just had one of these)

Direction & Destiny -28%

(Walking out God’s plan for your life)

Parenting – 28%

(Some of you guys have kids now, crazy!)

dad-kids-hug-mdn

9. Sexuality: Porn – 25%

(Overcome guilt & shame. You CAN be free)

Words – 25%

(Controlling your tongue. You can’t take ’em back.)

Tongues – 25%

(That pentecostal stuff.)

Sexuality: Addictions – 25%

(R U really addicted, or normal?)

Ministry – 25%

(So… you serve at Megachurch! What to do and NOT to do in ministry. Don’t survive. Thrive.

megachurch_thumb

Love – 25%

(The God Kind. How to Yield to it. How to Walk in it)

10. Worship: – 22%

Truly fearing and reverencing God. Even without your ipod.

Integrity – 22%

(Ditto)

The Holy Spirit – 22%

(Who is He? What does He do?)

newell coach

11. Musician Talk – 19%

(Surviving The Road as a musician. I did it for 8 years,)

Forgiving – 19%

(Going from Bitter to Better)

Growing Up: – 19%

Stability, Confidence, Integrity, Masculinity, Internal Strength

Rivers of Mercy. Floods of Grace: – 19%

God has this for you. Always.

married couple

Sexuality: Married guys: – 19%

Ejaculation is not the goal. Love is. Learn how to really love. Meeting HER needs.

12. Sonship: – 17%

Understanding how God longs for you and desires to take care of you as His son

Relationships: Enemies – 17%

Unwanted “Friends” & Manipulators

Worry – 17%

(I come from a long line of worriers)

Sonship – 17%

Jesus as Your Elder Brother / Who You are in Christ

Wine – 17%

(Jesus turned the water into non-alcoholic wine, of course) What about drinking?

13. Sexuality: Same Sex Attraction – 11%

(Admiration vs Attraction vs Choosing Lifestyle)

Saftey  / Protection – 11%

(Divine Protection. You Can Have It)

Bipolar-Disorder-in-Men

14. Restoration – 8%

Reached rock bottom? Gone too far? He’ll make you new

15. Suffering – 5%

(If we suffer, something is wrong with our faith, right??)

16. Death, Tragedy, Loss, Set Backs – 3%

(Making it through the most severe times – Coming out stronger)

Other Option – 3%

(Being a godly head to my household)

No doubt, as others take the survey over the next year or so, the numbers will change.  We’ll keep you updated.

 

Fun Stuff:  And the car you would buy if you had $25,000 is:

 2013-Honda-Accord-Sport-Sedan-front-three-quarters    

-Honda Accord. Hands down. Don’t even have to think about that one (more than one said this).

-The Best Used (but Newer) Car with the best MPG that it could buy!! I have an SUV so my manliness is covered, lol

-I would need more than $25,000 for the vehicle I want.

-1994 Chevy Impala or 2000 Honda Prelude 4WS

-VW GTI

-Camaro! green black racing stripes v8

-Those new Kia’s lol

-A brand new race car hauler and about 10 new Dirt Late Models lol

-New Subaru Outback

What Topics Do You Need to Talk About?  

Take the Survey here ——>  IRTYS Launch Survey

 


Feel free to reply below or email us privately if you don’t want your mother stalking your personal business.  We never share email addresses.

We won’t blow up your IN box.  We don’t air your dirty laundry.  Ever.

Copyright © 2014 by Mark Edward – All Rights Reserved

This article was first published on the site,  I’d Rather Talk to You than Sleep™
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PORN: It’s Not About the Pics

|  Mark Edward  |

I first viewed porn long before the internet age.

A buddy of mine and I found porn magazines in a neighbor’s shed.

We were wide eyed.

I know the question you are thinking, but are afraid to ask.

Yes.

I did the Solo Deed.

I was 13 and horny.  

You’ve done the deed too.  

Maybe before 13.  

Guilt followed.  

Not so much for the jacking, but guilt for the looking.  

“So… jacking with a buddy – wasn’t that kinda weird?”

Well… it wasn’t planned.

Bone up your research a bit, and you find that it is common for many pre-teens, teens – even young men in their 20’s to perform such deeds together in a moment of horny curiosity.

(Um – did he just type the words, ‘bone up?’  Yes.  He did.)

Shutterstock

Fast-forward to a world where everything, good and bad, is at the fingertips of men at lightning speed.

For many, the internet has become an obsession.

They can’t live a day without being online.

Or an hour.

Social media, news, personal interests –  and porn.

 

Now, thanks to The Glowing Rectangle, porn in the pocket is just a fingerprint away.

In my counsel of men over the last 15 years particularly, I would easily say that porn has become the new crack.

Or the new meth.

A cyber drug.

You’ve Googled the stats, I am sure.

They are mind boggling:

…

Making Your Money Go Farther: Here’s 14 Simple Ways

 |  Mark Edward  |

Sixty Five.

 

That’s the percentage of men that checked…


“Money: Managing What You Have; Giving; Saving; Budgets”


on the I’d Rather Talk™  Pre-Launch Survey.

 

I knew it would be near the top, but I didn’t expect it to be Numero Uno.

Think about it:  

Money affects every part of our lives.  

Name something in your life that is not impacted by money or lack thereof.

Closeup of a young business man holding money

Gotta be honest:  

In my younger years, money management was not my greatest strength.  

But I’ve learned from my mistakes.  Maybe you can too.

A few years back, our income plummeted from nearly six figures to modest $20,000 in one year.

We were laid off 3 times.  I faced a painful crisis.  

Cut back.  Or lose everything.

When you are accustomed to big homes, new cars, and buying what you want, cutting back hurts.  If we are honest, it simply hurts our male ego and our American Pride.

What hurts more is not paying your bills & screwing up your credit.

Here are 14 Simple Ways to Make Your Money Go Farther:

…

The Dating Game

|  Mark Edward  |

I’m not gonna lie.

I am a bit disturbed by a trend I have observed in some Evangelical circles where the dating topic is discussed.

“Don’t date until you know you are ready to marry…”

“Only date in groups…”

“The only place you should go together alone is church…”

“Going out alone only increases your temptation to fornicate…dating only leads to sex…”

“Dating is against the principles of God’s Word…”

What?

Purity Culture Gone Wild.

I’m not a fan of a culture that causes young men and women to experience shame for sexual thoughts and sexual feelings.

Don’t, don’t, don’t, don’t, and don’t.

Sheesh.

A while back, one of my guys expressed fear about dating because he felt it was against the religious “expectations” of his Christian college.

I will share part of our conversation in a minute.

But first, a brief side journey back to the Psychedelic Era:

(Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images)

…

Without This, You Won’t Make It

|  Mark Edward  |

HOW TO BUILD YOUR WORD ARSENAL

Several years back, I realized I was not as strong in some areas as I wanted to be.

I began seeking God’s Word for tools to overcome.


I came across the passage from 2 Corinthians 10 that talks about “using our powerful God tools.” 

It reminded me of arsenals, or stock piles of weapons.  Not physical, but spiritual weapons.

The definition for ‘arsenal’ is pretty cool:


A secure and guarded location where weapons are developed, tested, and stored for future defense.

So I decided to build my own groups of weapons from God’s Word to help me in my areas of weakness.

In the heat of the battle, you need a weapon!

I can tell you first hand – my Arsenal has been crucial in my success as a husband, father, mentor, and friend.

Pixabay / Public Domain

Hebrews 4:12 NLT says,

For the word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires.

The ESV says the Word exposes the intentions of our heart.

It discerns between the squirrely thoughts in our soul — and the truth that is already in our spirit.

“OK, so having my own Word Arsenal is critical…

How do I get started?”

…

The “M” Word

“So… Um.  Can I Ask You About Masturbation?”

 – Mark Edward – 

Out of many topics discussed in my office or in mentoring relationships over the past 37 years, the number one question, by far, is about masturbation.

Since the original post, this article is also one of the most read, most searched for posts on this site.

Some guys that read my posts are young men of faith, while others may not be seeking God.  I journey with men from many varying beliefs, and I like it that way.

Depending on your faith, you may (or may not) have also asked an additional question, “What does the Bible say about masturbation?”  “Is it ‘right’ or ‘wrong’?”

So… What does it say?


Back in my teen years & early twenties, my male friends and I used to joke about this scripture:

…

Why a Real Mentor Breathes

 

|  Mark Edward  |

Every find yourself desperate to make a critical life changing decision?

Not sure which direction to go?

Often, a conversation with a mentor can help.

I have many of those conversations with “my guys” every month.

Every week.

Recently, I found myself needing to make a decision that would profoundly impact myself, my wife, my family, and other’s close to me. 

And negatively impacting others I love.

Proverbs says there is wisdom and safety in having many counselors.

Victory depends on having many advisers.  – Proverbs 24:6

Needing some victory myself, I sought to make the right decision.   I sought counsel… beginning with my dad.

We always need men in our lives who have journeyed farther.

…

Disclaimers. It’s America. Ya Gotta Have ’em.

DEIB.  And Dweebs.

I’d Rather Talk™ welcomes young men regardless of race, sexual orientation, ability, appearance, weight, height, socio-economic status, and any marginalized identity.

We embrace Diversity, Equity, Inclusion and Belonging (DEIB).

And.  We’ve all been a Dweeb and some point.

Based on the Life Skills we share here, our target audience is young men, 18 to 30 something.

The Doctor is Out.

I do have a degree, but I am not a doctor.

I don’t even have a fake doctorate.  Or an honorary doctorate that was bestowed upon because I need my book to say “DR.” on it.

The content of this website is provided for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as, nor should it be considered a substitute or replacement for, professional medical or psychiatric advice, diagnosis, or treatment.

If you have or suspect you have a medical or psychiatric condition or problem, contact a professional healthcare provider.

disclaimer drThanks But No Thanks.

If you see your name, pictures, blog, website, quote, book, or other resource belonging to you  — and you don’t want it here — please contact me.

Pictures propriety to me might not be removed.

Efforts are made to display photo credits when available with the intention of not infringing on any copyright.

In my articles, when a real life situation is described – and it’s kinda personal –  I reserve the right to change the names of guys in my posts,  to protect the privacy of My Circle.  I may leave names out entirely.

To copy a line from the movies:  “All characters appearing in this work are fictitious.  Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.” 

Agree to Disagree

I don’t necessarily agree with every teaching found in every Resource or Link.

Eat the Hay. Spit out the Sticks.

You should do that here as well.

(shutterstock)

I will probably write something you don’t like – or even strongly disagree with – at some point.  I’m OK with that.  You’ll have to be OK with that too.

I own the domain.  I pay for the space.

I’m not here to engage in disagreements.

If you have to unfollow, that’s OK.   I’m not here for LIKES.

Because we Post publicly and Podcast publicly, we reserve the right to edit or delete snarky comments.  Although we do enjoy interacting, we may not be able to reply to every comment or email.

DISCLAIMER REMOVE ME

 Major on the Majors

If you are a minor, I’d Rather Talk™ recognizes that you are beginning your journey into manhood (and you probably do need someone to talk to about life).

However, due to the personal topics sometimes discussed here, our intended demographic is 18 and above.

Many young men under 18 surf the web daily, so we can’t keep you from reading here.

But, if you find something helpful and you want a reply, ask a parent to contact us first.

I’d Rather Talk™  does not knowingly reply to persons under 18 without permission of the parent or guardian.

If you are under 18, with your parent’s permission, you may want to visit: Boys Under Attack for information for guys in their early teens.

 I’d Rather Talk™ is not affiliated in any way with Boys Under Attack, nor, are we responsible for any content or discussions posted there.

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No Estrogen Here.

Ladies!

We love ya, but, this site is not intended for you.

It is targeted head-on for the male species. Blunt, direct, honest, uncomfortable at times, funny, a little crass, and sexual.

Guy Stuff. There might even be a fart audio clip somewhere.

I know, right?

Like, I said, for men.

Testosterone.

If you don’t have testicles, you don’t belong here.

So…please go surf Pinterest or watch Yes to the Dress, What Not to Wear, or some other annoying chick show.

We sincerely need you and thank your for saving our butts from destruction and for being our deeply loved help mates and all that.

Hopefully your man will drop in here and be inspired to change (thereby making your life happier).

BTW, do not subtly ‘suggest’ that he surf here.

Now, go away. That is all.

DISCLAIMER WOMEN ACCESS DENIED

Learn More…

 

 

Feel free to reply below or email us privately if you don’t want your mother stalking your personal business.  

We never share email addresses.

We won’t blow up your IN box.  We don’t air your dirty laundry.  Ever.

Copyright © 2013, 2023 by Mark Edward – All Rights Reserved

This article was first published on the site,  I’d Rather Talk ™

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What? Not following us on Social Media?

We don’t clog up your feed.  We don’t tweet hourly.  We don’t care about Likes.  We don’t need more Followers for our ego.  We don’t post closeups of Shrimp Cocktail.  

Insights tastefully cybered to men.  Once in a while.

 

Why “I’d Rather Talk” Exists


Why I Mentor.  Why I Write.  Why I Podcast.

I’d Rather Talk™  was launched to help you succeed in your journey as a man.

To Enhance and Advance Your Legacy™ — by finding answers to the questions we all ask.

Or are afraid to ask.

One question guys often ask me is:

“Why Do You Do This?”

  •  An alarming number of guys walk alone.
  •  Every male has a core-need to be affirmed, accepted, & respected.
  •  Every man needs to know he is loved unconditionally as a son of God, & he has what it takes to find and complete his personal destiny.
  • Every guys craves a sense of belonging.  Authentic Lifetime Friendships.

  •  Men need masculine validation during graduation, dating, engagement, marriage, fatherhood, promotion, seasons of pain, loss, crisis, failure, moral error, and tragedy.
  •  If you help change a man’s thinking, you impact his spouse, his kids, his grand-kids, his friends, his employees –  you alter his Legacy, well into the next century.

 

We are the most successful when we lock arms together.

Isolation kills.

It’s time to “leave your island” and stop trying to make it on your own.

Many men have no other trusted male in their life they actually talk with.  

 

They watch sports.  They text.

 

They Snapchat.  They TikTok.

 

They create music.  They take group selfies.  

 

But they don’t talk.


Why Now?

…