|  Mark Edward  |

I first viewed porn long before the internet age.

A buddy of mine and I found porn magazines in a neighbor’s shed.

We were wide eyed.

I know the question you are thinking, but are afraid to ask.

Yes.

I did the Solo Deed.

I was 13 and horny.  

You’ve done the deed too.  

Maybe before 13.  

Guilt followed.  

Not so much for the jacking, but guilt for the looking.  

“So… jacking with a buddy – wasn’t that kinda weird?”

Well… it wasn’t planned.

Bone up your research a bit, and you find that it is common for many pre-teens, teens – even young men in their 20’s to perform such deeds together in a moment of horny curiosity.

(Um – did he just type the words, ‘bone up?’  Yes.  He did.)

Fast-forward to a world where everything, good and bad, is at the fingertips of men at lightning speed.

For many, the internet has become an obsession.

They can’t live a day without being online.

Or an hour.

Social media, news, personal interests –  and porn.

 

Now, thanks to The Glowing Rectangle, porn in the pocket is just a fingerprint away.

In my counsel of men over the last 15 years particularly, I would easily say that porn has become the new crack.

Or the new meth.

A cyber drug.

You’ve Googled the stats, I am sure.

They are mind boggling:

• 87% of college males use porn.
• 66% of internet-using 18 to 34-year-old men look at online pornography at least once a month.
• 57% of divorces involved one party having an obsessive interest in porn.
• 53% of a Promise Keeper’s men surveyed admitted to using porn in the last week.

Here’s some other staggering stats —-> Staggering Porn STATS from Mind Amor

I want to make it clear that you will not find condemnation in this article or on this site for this weakness if your are struggling. 

That being said. 

You have some steps to take.

I can’t cover the entire porn question in one post.

But here’s some things to know.

1. You are not alone

Every male I’ve ever spoken to has looked at porn in at least one in one form or another.

2. Ejaculation is normal and necessary. 

      God made you that way.  But you don’t need porn

3. Porn is a perversion of normal sexual release.

You might not stop ejaculating.

You might not stop masturbating completely.

But you can stop porn.

How do I know if I am really addicted?

Some guys believe they are addicted to porn or excessive masturbation, but are they really?

Like alcohol, you might drink, but not get drunk.

One may eat often, but still not be an obese glutton.

Remember, I am not a Psychologist.

But my laymen’s definition of addiction falls loosely along these lines:

You may be bordering on addiction –  when Porn:

• – Regularly isolates you from family and friends physically (you rarely come out of your room).
• – Regularly separates you from family and friends emotionally (you are afraid to let your walls down).
• – Often interrupts your effectiveness during the day.  Often, as in multiple times during the day.
• – Depletes your budget.

• – Causes to you to miss work or school regularly.
• – Affects the normal sexual activity with your wife if you are married.
• – You feel you cannot ejaculate without porn.
• – Brings depression due to unresolved guilt over the porn habit.

Making it Real

Porn is not about the ejaculation.

Porn is not about the images.

Porn is not about the lust.

Porn is about the Hole in your heart.

The Wound

Look deep into your soul for a few minutes.

• What wounds still feel raw?
• What actions and words from your Dad are not forgiven and resolved?
• What buddies and peers rejected you because you were not masculine or manly enough?
• Who made fun of your appearance?  Your talents?
• What girls turned you away because you weren’t “all that” according to her American boy meter?
• What adult or older teen hurt you sexually or touched you inappropriately?
• What have you done to yourself that you have not yet forgiven?

Like a drug, porn is a temporary high that really takes you lower instead.

The Dope

The rush of dopamine (a neurotransmitter that helps control the brain’s reward and pleasure center) feels like a temporary salve to Your Wound.

But the rush is short lived, sometimes even a few seconds….before guilt takes over.

Then you feel worse.

You were designed by Your Creator to ejaculate and to enjoy it.

There should be no guilt in an orgasm.

Desire is not wrong.

But porn brings unbridled desire that becomes lust.  Your guilt comes from lust.

One of the things I hate most about America’s porn culture is that young men begin to associate every sexual feeling with the guilt of porn.  

Which means they learn to feel guilty about every sexual thought.

Not a good outlook for healthy marriage!  I’m gonna say it again.

God made you sexual.  Porn perverts it.

Again.  No condemnation Gentleman.

Not even for a second.

You’ve Tried to Quit.

But you think you can’t.

You keep stumbling.

Because The Wound is still there.

Gentlemen, the key to overcoming porn is getting the wound(s) healed.

This Year is Your Year To:

– Experience and accept true son ship from God your Father, if you desire that.
– You can enjoy son ship, even if your experience with your earthly father wasn’t the best.
– If you are a person of faith, let Jesus encourage you like a caring and wiser older brother.
– Let emotionally healthy masculine men speak regularly into your life ( I still have them in mine).  
– Love yourself – even with your faults. 

We all have them.

I wish every man reading this would buy the inexpensive book, “The Love Dare.” 

Even if you are not getting married yet.

I use it in pre-marital counsel, and I can tell you, The Love Dare has the simplest guide for overcoming porn I have seen.

Used by permission, Here’s a bit of what you’ll find in the book:

—-> Overcoming Pornography – From The Love Dare

 

“It’s so private.  Porn doesn’t hurt anyone else, right?”

Married guys:  Using porn is like slitting her wrists.

And yours.

Eventually, your marriage will bleed to death.

Single guys:  You are only setting yourself up for sexual failure with your future wife.

Porn desensitizes you to the simple pleasure of real sex with your real wife.

“We’re not having enough sex!” is not an excuse for using porn.

It’s probably time to have some discussions with your spouse about how she can help relieve your sexual desire if she is not able to have sex.

If you choose to masturbate when sex is not available for several days – why not fantasize about your wife?

If you can’t think about her when jacking off, it’s time to get to the root of why you can’t –  or won’t think about her.

“Won’t porn magically go away on my wedding day?”

If you are married, you’ve probably realized that the temptation for porn probably did not magically disappear on your wedding day – though it might have decreased temporarily.

A marriage license does not take away the root of porn use.

What are your wounds?

Accountability

For now, I wanna tell you straight up:

Find a counselor or godly male who will stand with you for accountability, support, guidance, understanding, and encouragement.  

Don’t be too proud.

God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble.

Rivers of Mercy will carry you out of this.

You can’t do this alone!

What if I Miss It?  Again?

It’s not about the pics.

It’s about The Wound(s).

God, healthy male friends, mentors – can help heal your wounds.

Oh yes.

When your wounds begin to heal, the urge for porn begins to subside.

Layer by layer, God, your mentors, healthy male friends, and you –  will peel off the pain and The Wound(s) will begin to heal.

Gentlemen, It is time for you to have honest conversations with a trusted friend or godly male in your life about that void.

It’s time to leave your island.

 

How Badly do You Want Change?

 

What Steps Are You Willing to Take to Overcome Porn?  

---

You can learn more about Your Journey Out of PORN —-> HERE.