| Mark Edward |

One of the biggest challenges young men face in the 21st Century is the emotional separation created by the use of porn.

I have observed regular porn use ruin the marriages of men with whom I’ve journeyed.

Legacies Lost. Families Broken. Not just 1 or 2.

I’ve seen porn deceive and weaken single men to the point where sexual desire becomes god. And God seems silent.

Now, with Pocket Porn – glaring from The Glowing Rectangle in our jeans pocket – it’s the number one thief in the lives of young men today.

(Courtesy Shutterstock)

Porn steals the confidence, masculinity, peace, joy, relationships, and the God ordained sexual happiness of the young male.

I won’t re-post them now, but you can view what I call “mind boggling” stats of millenial porn use in our previous post (PORN: It’s Not About the Pics) – link is later in this article.

Plus, you can read our own Anonymous Porn Survey Results. There’s a second link for those results later, at the bottom of this article.

There is little that is more powerful in a man’s psyche than his sexual thoughts.

Sex is a God-given desire.

Sexual desire doesn’t have to be dirty.

Men shouldn’t feel guilty when they are horny. God meant sexual release for our enjoyment.

Yet, porn perverts our sexual desires. And our sexual joy. Porn exchanges The Real for The Fake.

Sexual desire is enormously powerful. God made us to ejaculate. But, with no boundaries, sexual desire binds us.

With no self control, it controls us. It holds us captive.

You may be reading this and feel that you are captive.

Trapped.

Smothered.

Choked.

Imprisoned.

Is there a way out?

Indeed there is.

The Way Out Begins with Desire. Hatred. And Love.

Desire for The Real.

Hatred for The Fake.

Love for Truth.

The Real is amazing sex the way God designed it for you. Pleasure within the marriage bedroom. Realizing you don’t need porn for sexual relief.

The Fake is a temporary rush – then a huge, overwhelming, numbing, let down — from ejaculation with porn.

In your bedroom, dorm room, bathroom, living room, kitchen, or your car.

Truth is yielding to the Love — the Love of God for you.

And the God kind of Love you have inside you as a Believer.

Shutterstock

The God kind of Love will give you the power to say NO.

To Stop.

To Love yourself enough to quit The Fake and go for The Real. The Truth.

And to be Loved by Him.

When you are tired of the emptiness.

When your hunger for truth explodes.

When your passion for a healthy confident life – is greater than your sexual passion.

How bad do you want out? There’s no need to read on. Until you answer that.

There Are Two Basic Roads Leading out of the Porn Dungeon

In my mentoring journeys with young men, I have observed two successful paths away from porn that stand out. Either one works. When you want out bad enough.

1) Cold Turkey

Depending on how deep in the Porn Dungeon you are, Cold Turkey may be your path out.

Cold Turkey is simple. Maybe not easy. But simple.

Cold Turkey is: Ending it. Walking away from porn. Running away from Porn.

Never going back.

If you hate it bad enough.

If it has already nearly destroyed your life.

If the fabric of your family and your life has eroded. Or is completely disintegrated.

The Cold Turkey option may work for you.

Go. And Don’t Do it Any More.

The Cold Turkey path is supported by the Word of God.

In John 8, when the woman was caught in the act of adultery, Jesus said to her accusers:

“Let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!”When the accusers heard this, they slipped away one by one… then Jesus stood up again and said to the woman, “Where are your accusers? Didn’t even one of them condemn you?”

“No, Lord,” she said.

And Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.”

Simple.

Stop this.

Don’t do this any more.

Jesus would not have told her to do something that was impossible for her to do.

Still shot courtesy “The Passion” – New Market Films

She wasn’t just facing public humiliation. That’s bad enough. She was facing death.

The scripture ends here.

But I believe she did just that.

She stopped committing adultery. The Son of God gave her a choice and she took it.

She stopped doing it.

She abstained.

“Dear friends, I beseech (urge) you, as temporary residents, to abstain (keep away from) from fleshly lusts, which wage war against your soul.” — I Peter 2:11

Peter was talking to believers here. They wanted to live godly lives.

But the lure of sin was powerfully strong.

I am not a Greek scholar, but I have great respect for a man who is, Mr. Rick Renner, whose teaching I have followed for 30 years.

No need for me to reinvent the wheel, so I’m asking you guys to take 7 extra minutes and learn what it really means to abstain.

Gentlemen – check it out, it’s worth your 7 minute read: Abstaining from Fleshly Lusts —-> HERE

Credit: Oliver Rossi – Corbis

Coming to Your Senses

Another example of going Cold Turkey is found in Luke 15.

Jesus called him the Lost Son. He was lost indeed.

Funny thing is, he was rich. All that his father had belonged to him. Yet, he chose to pack all his belongings and move to distant land.

Rebellious choices make you distant indeed – separating you from those who love you the most.

He wasted his money in wild living. He squandered his money on prostitutes.

Porn is nothing more than a Virtual Prostitute.

When his money ran out, a famine swept over the land. He fed pigs. He became so hungry that even the pig’s pods looked good to him.

But.

He came to his senses. He admitted his sin against his father). He repented.

Did the father reject him? Ah. No way!

“While he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him.”

You should take the time to read the entire passage —-> HERE. It’s powerful guys.

The father restored him. Fully.

Completely.

There is no indication that the son ever returned to his life of lust. He came to his senses. He did a 180.

He let go of lust. He was completely restored. Cold Turkey.

Courtesy Albertson’s Grocery bahaha

Your Father is ready to restore you.

Yet, while the Father is ready, for many, the power of porn has made Cold Turkey a seeming impossibility.

So many attempts to stop. So many failures. Compounded guilt from so many failures.

Well my young friend — you have not completely failed.

I’m not the first one to say it, but you’ve only failed if you stop trying.

And since you are reading this, you haven’t yet stopped. You still have breath. You can still walk out.

You can walk out in Steps if you must.

2) Steps

You didn’t get deep into the Porn Dungeon over night.

It was many nights. Or many boring afternoons. Or a few lonely week-ends.

God is able to deliver you instantly. Those men with certain personalities – or those on the precipice of devastation – might go Cold Turkey. Yet, others may need to take Steps.

These are not steps you can take alone.

Steps is successful when those steps are taken with trusted mentors and healthy, godly, peers at your side.

Regularly.

Often.

Someone you can reach out to in the heat of the moment. Someone who will walk the entire journey with you.

For many, the journey out of porn is just that: A Journey. A Process. Steps.

What Does “Steps” Look Like?

Step 1) Realize Porn is Fake.

It’s not real.

Guys, I’m going to be blunt (surprise! right?).

No couple has “48 minute sex”, grinding through 12 impossible positions in the marriage bedroom every night. No one as a 12 inch penis that cums 5 times in said 48 minutes.

And no real wife wants to be punished, demeaned, talked dirty to, pissed on, penetrated in her anus, or be the slutty object of male “dominance” over her – as depicted in many porn flicks.

No real woman groans for hours.

It’s fake. The Fake is setting you up for false and unmet expectations.

Step 2) Realize Porn is Stealing from You.

Stealing from your Future.

Eroding and stripping you of confidence, masculinity, peace, joy, meaningful relationships, and the God ordained sexual happiness of the marriage bed.

Porn doesn’t train you for good sex in marriage.

With porn, you train yourself to ejaculate too quickly. You don’t want your roomie or your spouse to catch you, so you get it over with.

I have talked with young men in their 20’s and 30’s who are experiencing erectile dysfunction – not due to the normal aging process – but due to regular porn use.

They struggle to get hard for normal sex — because their brain gets wired for hyper crazy porn sex (The Fake).

Step 3) What you SAY matters.

Begin saying out of your mouth:

“I hate porn.”

“I have victory over porn.”

“I can still ejaculate without porn.”

“I am free from porn.”

– Say it even while you are doing it – I amnot kidding. Even if you are viewing it and jacking. Let your ears hear it.

Step 4) Begin Taking Actual Steps. Go 1 day without porn.

Once you make it 24 hours, then go for 2 days.

Once you can go 2 days, try 3 days.

Then go for 4, 5, 6, then a week.

Even when you miss it, simply start the steps again.

The majority of young men in my Circle who have overcome porn — and many have — overcame by taking steps.

For physical reasons (aka horniness), the 3 day mark seems to be the day when it gets harder (“did he just say ‘harder’ ?”) for many guys to resist porn.

Consequently, that is about time it takes for our seminal vesicles to completely fill up (72 hours). That makes sense. My college room mates and I call it, “The Burn.”

Yet, with steps, you can progress from days to a week. Then 10 days. Then weeks. Then 6 weeks. Then months. Then Years.

Yes. I said years.

I am not talking about weeks or years without masturbating. The decision to jack off or not, is a personal decision between you and God.

(You can study more about masturbation and “The Burn” —-> HERE.)

I am talking about weeks, months, and years without porn. It is possible to relieve pressure without porn. You don’t need porn.

You can un-train.

You can detox.

You can rewire your brain.

You can live porn free.

Regardless of Which Way Out You Choose, You’ll Need These:

Accountability.

You won’t conquer this alone.

You are fooling yourself to think you can.

There is strength is numbers. Not just anyone. Choose godly persons that God places in your life.

Placement.

Strategically stage your computer in a public place in your apartment or house.

Don’t use the computer when no one is home. Cover it up if you have to.

I have a young man in my circle that won’t take his smart phone into the bathroom. That’s a trigger for him.

He’s set the Placement boundary. It works.

Blockers.

Porn Blockers like Net Nanny, XXXchurch, Ever Accountable, Accountable2You, and Covenant Eyes can really help.

Ever Accountable, particularly can deter you, knowing that a discreet peer or mentor, will receive a report on any porn sites that you access.

Blockers are not perfect. But they do work as deterrents.

Deterrents give you a chance to come to your senses, close that laptop, tablet, or phone — and run.

When a guy really wants to see sex, there are ways around some blockers. Heck – Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram are loaded with porn.

It sucks.

The only way to completely have no access to porn is to stop breathing.

But if you’ve read this far, you are probably wanting a change in your heart of hearts.

Feeding the desire for The Real instead of The Fake is what will diminish the power of porn in your life.

Worship

What really works?

Getting your hands where they belong.

Guys, one of the most powerful yet utterly simple ways to conquer porn is worship.

Simple — in that you just simply lift your hands and begin speaking to God and worshiping Him.

Even if you are sitting at your laptop or tablet viewing porn.

Even if you are in the bathroom jacking with one hand and hitting video play button on your phone with the other hand.

Let go of both. Begin to Worship.

It. Really. Works.

The Word

Do you have any scriptures that you have intentionally lodged in your heart?

His Word is powerful. It’s a huge key to overcoming.

I’ll go as far as to say if you don’t have a couple of Word Weapons lodged in your heart to use in the time of temptation – you probably won’t overcome.

Thy word have I hidden in my heart that I might not sin against God. — Psalm 119:11

Learn more about Building Your Word Arsenal —-> HERE

What if I Mess Up? What if I Miss It?

While taking Steps, you might stumble occasionally. But you don’t lay there and bleed.

Three Steps Forward. Two Steps Back. You Still Get there. You Still Make it.

Can God Really Free Me From Porn?

Ever read about the Mad Man of Gadarenes?

Check it out in Luke 8 in your Bible or your Phone.

I doubt that no matter how deep in the sewage pool of porn you have leaped, that you are not as bad off as the Mad Man of Gadarenes!

He roamed through grave yards at night – naked. Most likely, he had a sexual fetish for sex with the dead.

When he encountered the power of God, look at what happened – he became:

Seated at the Feet of Jesus. This symbolizes Surrender.

It symbolizes a new focus and desire for The Real.

The Power of Jesus brought a man crazed out by sexual fetishes to complete surrender.

No longer focused on his lusts. He got a new focus. A focus on Truth.

No longer in chains.

Fully Clothed. No more nakedness. No more shame. Fully covered.

This symbolizes Self Control. He came in contact with Jesus and got his Self Control Back.

In His Right Mind. Jesus restored this man’s thought processes.

Before, he was chained. He was bound and directionless.

Now he was free. Thinking properly for the first time in forever.

No more haze. No more Fog.

Guys – take a breath.

Pause.

Really think about the 3 above points for a minute…

Powerful.

The Truth.

You’ll know the truth.

The truth has set you free.

What I am about to tell you from the depths of my heart is simple but powerful:

God Has Already Set You Free.

The work of freeing you was completed by Jesus on the cross. Freedom is already yours.

It’s time to fully surrender porn to God. It’s time to accept your Freedom.

Gentlemen, it’s time to go Cold Turkey.

Or take Steps.

Navy Seals Locking Arms During Training

Guys, My Brotherly Arms are Locked With Yours.

What was once the weakest area will be your strongest.

That is how God works.

Paul killed Christians.

But through an encounter with The Most High God on the Road to Damascus, Paul fully surrendered his life.

He went from killing Christians to being a symbol of Christianity, writing much of the New Testament!

Do You Hate The Fake, Enough?

Are You Ready to Surrender The Fake for The Real?

Go Cold Turkey. Or Take Steps.

Your Way Out is Here.

Oh yeah. The Survey!

Some of you and your peers responded to our anonymous survey! Check out the Results “HERE: Your Struggles, Insights, and Victories over PORN.“

Our previous post on porn is chalked with helpful insights too – about The Wounds in a man’s soul that lead him to porn. Read more about why you might be drawn to porn —-> HERE.

Feel free to reply below or email us privately if you don’t want your mother stalking your personal business.

We never share email addresses.

We won’t blow up your IN box. We don’t air your dirty laundry. Ever.

This article was first published on the site, I’d Rather Talk ™

What? Not following us on Social Media?

We don’t clog up your feed. We don’t tweet hourly. We don’t care about Likes. We don’t need more Followers for our ego. We don’t post closeups of Shrimp Cocktail. Insights tastefully cybered to men. Once in a while.