Dane Richard and Levi Dane

Dane:  “I Won’t Be Equipped”

My biggest fear stemmed from losing my father when I was 2 yrs old.

I also had a relatively absent step-father growing up.

I feared that I wasn’t equipped to be a father… that perhaps I had missed some key element of fatherhood by not having a direct example in my life from an early age.

That fear nagged me at the back of my brain for the entire pregnancy.

I wondered if I could possibly even be a good father because I was just so clueless about what being a father meant.

Dane, Chelsea, and “Levi”

How Dane Overcame

Believe it or not, what turned that around for me was a pastor at our church in Nashville, Jim Wideman.

On the day we dedicated Levi, he gave an incredible message.

At one point he explained that he had actually lost his father when he was a child as well. He also mentioned that, for a long time, he had struggled with anxiety over the type of father he would turn out to be.

Then, he said that during prayer one day, he heard God tell him this:

Be the kind of father you WISH you would have had growing up.

 

If you can go into it with that mentality, before long you’ll be the father they’ll be glad they DID have growing up.

That’s become my goal.

To be the type of father and the type of man that I always wanted my own father to be.

Levi Dane

Dane’s Greatest Joy

The greatest joy of new parenthood so far has been watching our son wake up to the world around him – especially to us.

Like that first time that your baby smiles at you the minute that you walk into a room, and you realize that they actually recognize you and are aware of you – and – that you make them feel happy and safe.

It’s just such a good feeling.

It’s impossible to be upset or stressed when your baby is smiling at you.

Dane Richard and Levi Dane

Brenton Robert Miles and I have journeyed together since December 2007, when he was 20.

Before thousands of people (same crap ton), he was my direct boss on the platform.  Privately, he asked if he could be a part of my Mentoring Circle.

We met weekly for 16 months.  Starbucks.  Cheddars!

Only 10% of young men ask to be mentored.

When they ask YOU, it’s a guaranteed worthwhile investment.  They are hungry to grow.  You know they will receive and —  pass it forward. 

Indeed Brenton did.  Now he is 32.

Brenton and Eleanor

Brenton and the Band, CorCaptis, spearheaded raising funds during a catastrophic illness in our family. 

Over the years, the mentor / mentee relationship evolved into friendship. A two way street – like a healthy friendship should be.  I’ve been there for him. He’s been there for me.

Life is busy – but when we do talk, we are like two old women on the phone.  For 2 or 3 hours.

Friends and fellow mentors.  Thank you for impacting my life, Brenton.

#crispenbrantly
#drivesoverATMs

My biggest fear was wondering how will having a baby affect our marriage?

How will he/she affect our work lives?

Brenton and Eleanor

Once you have your baby, the love you feel for your child and your spouse outweighs any of the fears.

You “figure it out.”

You let God show you his provision as you stay faithful to investing important time into your marriage and parenting roles.

Brenton, Shelby, and Eleanor

Brenton’s Greatest Joy So Far

Honestly, every day gets better and better.

Seeing the baby’s personality take shape and show us who she is, has been the best.

This doesn’t mean there aren’t challenges along the way.  But having a family unit and growing in life together as a family is the best.

Zachary Raymond and Alice Liane

I have journeyed with the handsome Zachary Carrier since November of 2017, when he was 33.

Zach lost his bio father to an unexpected and sudden death. They were super close.

Following his death, Zach’s life spiraled downward.  Then he met God in a powerful way.  His walk with God literally saved his life.

I invited Zachary into my Circle later while he was dating my daughter, Sierra.

I distinctly remember the conversation.  We made a commitment to Stick Together. To give the friendship a solid foundation, we talked every day for 2 weeks.

We did this before I knew he was going to marry my daughter.

Zachary entered my Family Circle by marriage in 2018.

He is more than a son-in-law.  He is my son. I am his living dad.

I love this young man so deeply.

You can’t pick your sons-in-law or daughters-in-laws.  But if I were picking, I would have picked Zachary.

What is your biggest fear or challenge about the pregnancy and first year?

The biggest challenge has been juggling a full time job – on little to no sleep.

Taking care of my baby  – while still trying to make time for my wife – has also been a challenge.

(Editor:  Zach is currently working 2 jobs with another baby on the way)

Zach was working when he sent this to me – he didn’t have time to fully share how he overcame the challenges.  But I can personally tell you.

Zach is not a quitter.  He does whatever it takes to care for his wife and daughter.  Including working extra hours.

He doesn’t give up.  He seeks wisdom from those who have journeyed ahead of him.

His heart is tender before God.

My greatest joy has been watching my daughter grow.

She is able to do new things all the time!

Marine Captain Cameron Allen Hubbard has been in my Circle since April 2008 (now Marine Major as of 2020).

We were fellow musicians. He played guitar and I played keys at a large church.  He was 19.

In 2012, I walked with Cameron during the dating process with Haley.  Although we were 500 miles apart, we talked weekly for 18 months.

Jamie and I had the supreme honor and joy to offer pre-marital counseling, and to marry Cameron and the lovely Haley in October of 2013.

When you take part in someone’s pre-marriage counseling and marry them – you have a connection that runs deep.They can become your spiritual kids.

We stood with the Hubbards to help get them off to a strong start.  Years later, the Hubbards stood with us during our tumultuous times.

Cameron: What Was Your Biggest Fear / Challenge?

I think that my biggest challenge has been patience.

You have a baby, and that baby will cry.  Sometimes, the baby can be completely inconsolable.

Learning how to just be patient with the process and understand that you won’t always be able to fix the baby’s problems (e.g., through feeding or diaper changing) is important.

I would – and still do occasionally – find myself getting frustrated with not being able to console my child.

The crying can be constant.  You want the crying to stop.  But it won’t stop.

This can lead to frustration – sometimes an unhealthy frustration.

(Editor:  Been There!  I remember when all 3 of my mine were “scream crying!”)

Often the best thing you can do is take a deep breath.  Step away for a moment to collect yourself.

(Editor:  Love this!  Short and accurate.  Good Advice!  It works.)

At first, the baby thing is kind of lame… (e.g., constantly having to feed and change diapers).

However, it does get better.

Cameron and Layla

She is becoming more interactive and begins to smile when she sees me.It’s exciting to know that a bond is beginning to develop.

A bond that will hopefully flourish and grow stronger throughout the process.

Haley suffered severe postpartum blues.

Since then, she shared her journey on Social Media.

Guys, this is a real thing.  It can be a bit scary.  If this happens to your wife, seek immediate professional help.

Do not ignore depression or hopelessness after a birth.

Do what ever it takes – in home help, regular therapy, extra time off work.

Jamie also had postpartum blues with our first pregnancy.  She begged me to take the baby back (to the hospital).  We’ve been there.

Daniel Christopher Deal and I have journeyed together since January of 2012.

We met at The Lizard.

Danny was 28 and his first child, William, was a wee bit of a lad at 6 months.  I called the little boy Sir William of Deal due to William’s handsome and distinct prince-like features.

One afternoon in 2013 when our daughter was near death, we didn’t have the gasoline to make the 30th trip to Atlanta.

I will never forget when Daniel met me at the gas pump – a single income family – and filled our tank.

April 7, 2019

While he has been a part of my Mentoring Circle, early on — Daniel crossed the bridge from mentee to friend.

He is a part of my Inner Circle.  A Confidant.  A fellow Mentor.

Now 36, the Deal family has grown.

He’s Baptist, but we won’t hold that against him.

He lets me pray in the Spirit as long as I’m quiet about it, LOL.

I love this young man deeply.  Not many young men stick with the mentoring process long enough to become friends.  Peers.  Fellow Mentors.  This one did.

I am so proud of his growth and progress.  He has amazing parents and a beautiful and wise wife, Lisa.  He is a #CCN.  Crazy Car Nut.

He is Danny to the world at large.

Besides his mother, I’m probably the only person on the planet to call him Daniel Christopher.

You know my rituals with names and all.

That’s a little longer intro.  But it’s my blog and I pay for the space.

And.

Paul said in Romans, give honor to where honor is due.

Will I be strong enough for both of us?

Do I even need to be?

A million thoughts ran through my head as we expected William’s arrival in 2011.

William, Megan, Mallory, and Wesley

As one may expect, the worry was a little bit less with each subsequent child (up to four now) but I certainly wouldn’t call it routine!

Each child has brought with him or her a new set of challenges.

We’ve felt better equipped as time has gone by.

“I’m Proud of You”

In the early months of my mentoring journey with Daniel back in 2013, I asked him to “promise” to tell William he was proud of him.

Every Night.

Forever.

Knowing well his methodical and careful personality, he has kept this promise with little to no lapse, with William — and now the other 3.

One night when we were talking on the phone.  I overheard Daniel tell two of the kids, “I’m so proud of you.”

I could hardly finish the call.

Check Out our Podcast on Parenting Todders
Episode 4 HERE

Emergency C-Section

You won’t be perfect.

Love with No Strings.

Listen More.

Speak Less.

Mark Edward
Edward LeRoy and Bonnie
Home from The Hospital
June – 1963

Hold your Tongue.

Share Affection.

Tell Them You’re Proud of Them.

Every Night.

Forever.

BTW, out of the 7 births in 2018, the girls won.

Four to Three.

I’ve said it for 27 years.

Girls are the bestest.  I wouldn’t have changed it.

Read more about How I’ve Survived Four Women. And a Girl Dog HERE.

Other Resources:

25 Tips for Fathers of Daughters HERE

25 Tips for Fathers of Sons HERE

Who Can You Talk To About Fatherhood?