“So… Um. Can I Ask You About Masturbation?”

– Mark Edward –

Out of many topics discussed in my office or in mentoring relationships over the past 37 years, the number one question, by far, is about masturbation.

Since the original post, this article is also one of the most read, most searched for posts on this site.

Some guys that read my posts are young men of faith, while others may not be seeking God. I journey with men from many varying beliefs, and I like it that way.

Depending on your faith, you may (or may not) have also asked an additional question, “What does the Bible say about masturbation?” “Is it ‘right’ or ‘wrong’?”

So… What does it say?

Back in my teen years & early twenties, my male friends and I used to joke about this scripture:

Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might; for there is no activity or planning or knowledge or wisdom in Sheol where you are going. — Ecclesiastes 9:10

In other words, “do it” now, but you’ll go to hell for it, and you sure won’t be able to “do it” there.

Obviously, this isn’t really a verse about masturbation. While you will find passages in the Bible about:

lust (unbridled, uncontrolled sexual desire)
fornication (sex when you are single)
adultery (sleeping around when you are married)
bestiality (sex with animals)
and sodomy (penetrative anal sex with someone of your same gender)

…it does not refer to masturbation directly.

In previous centuries, some Bible scholars taught that the God took Onan’s life because he masturbated.

Gen 38:9 NLT:
“But Onan was not willing to have a child who would not be his own heir. So whenever he had intercourse with his brother’s wife, he spilled the semen on the ground.

This prevented her from having a child who would belong to his brother.”

We don’t use the term much today, but this is the passage from which the term Onanism comes. And your man brain just thought “cums” didn’t it. Mine did when I typed this LOL.

Although some have used that term interchangeably for masturbation, it is clear that Onan was not masturbating.

He was having intercourse and chose to withdraw his penis before ejaculation so that his deceased brother’s wife would not conceive a child.

Verse 10 says: But the LORD considered it evil for Onan to deny a child to his dead brother. So the LORD took Onan’s life, too.

The Lord may have taken Onan’s life, but it was because he denied a child to his dead brother’s wife (which as required under the old law)… not because he was masturbating.

Again, he was having intercourse, and he withdrew his penis and ejaculated outside the vagina – to prevent pregnancy.

Early withdrawal is not masturbation.

BTW, that is cheap birth control – and probably not the most effective one.

FYI: Twenty-Seven Percent of Couples who “pull out” Get Pregnant
Just a Fun Fact to Keep for Later
(thehealthorange.com)

Here’s another interesting Old Testament passage.

Lev 15:16-18
16 When a man has an emission of semen, he must bathe his whole body with water, and he will be unclean till evening.

17 Any clothing or leather that has semen on it must be washed with water, and it will be unclean till evening.

18 When a man lies with a woman and there is an emission of semen, both must bathe with water, and they will be unclean till evening.

TRANSPARENCY MOMENT
I remember reading these passages as a 15 year old, amazed that Bible even had the word “semen” in it.

I also wondered if I should wash out my underwear after an emission of semen, not because of Leviticus… but because I was more concerned about leaving any evidence for mi madre.

It seems that verses 16 & 17 refer to a man ejaculating without a woman — either by nocturnal emission (aka ‘wet dream’, — involuntary ejaculation after lengthy build-up of semen while sleeping) or, by masturbation.

Later, in verse 18, the writer discusses the emission of semen when the man is having intercourse with a woman. It is interesting that he differentiates between the two scenarios:

An emission alone — and an emission with a woman.

So, verse 16 is referring to ejaculation while not having intercourse.

I am not saying the Bible is endorsing masturbation.

I am saying it indicates that ejaculation is going to happen in two scenarios:

Alone. And with a woman.

If masturbation was a big deal, it seems that it would be directly addressed in both the old law and the New Testament like other sexual concerns, which are mentioned repeatedly.

When asked about masturbation, sometimes I reply with another question:

Does it help you go forward or does it set you back?

Many guys say it helps.

Ultimately, every man must decide for himself.

I encourage men to make the decision that is most peaceful for them.

Lust is a definitely against God’s word. Ejaculation is not.

Can You Masturbate Without Lust?

It is my personal belief that it is possible to masturbate without lust, for the purpose of relief or release.

Some guys have said that relieving that pressure (within boundaries) keeps them from fornicating on dates.

It allows them to function normally with less “distraction” at school and work.

That was also the case for me as a young man.

(Envato Stock)

However, the line between relief and lust is very blurred, especially in the Internet Age. The Age when porn can be in your pocket.

The Glowing Rectangle.

I am not condoning lust or any of the sexual sins the Bible directly mentions.

I am not condoning use of porn.

In addition, I approach the question of masturbation differently in regards to married men, and will post sometime for the married men in my Circle.

Is Masturbation Controlling You Or Are You Controlling It?

The other side of the coin is that if masturbation is controlling you as opposed to you controlling it – if, in your heart, you know it is an “idol” in your life — instead of an alternate method for relief – you may want to consider “rebooting”.

You will find extremely helpful information on rebooting, at Your Brain on Porn.

Check this site out if masturbation has become like a drug or an addiction in your life.

Guys, if masturbation has:

Led to regular, active, addictive pornography use (missing work or school regularly to use porn)
Brought porn induced & repeated sexual dysfunction (such as Erectile Dysfunction, Premature Ejaculation)
Caused varied or unwanted sexual orientation in your life
Induced other symptoms like loss of attraction to your wife, isolation from your friends, depression, missing school or work because of your habit, social anxiety, or lack of motivation
Become an idol in your life (more important than your walk with God)

…then I would encourage you to seek out some open conversations with a trusted mentor or counselor.

I have had these conversations with many of you over the years.

It’s the number one question you ask.

The GUILT some men carry because they have not resolved their viewpoint on masturbation is excruciating.

Excessive guilt is emotionally self-destroying.

Let yourself off the hook.

(Cred: Shutter Stock)

I Thought I was the Only One

I remember thinking that – even into my twenties.

I bet you did too.

However, statistics show that the majority of men masturbate.

In the Janus & Janus 1993 study, 95% of men masturbated regularly

For married men, the statistic is still a majority, with 85% of married Christian men saying they have masturbated sometime in the past 3 months – see: The Marriage Bed.com Surveys.

Respected Author Dr. James Dobson, founder of Focus on the Family has this say about the “M” word:

I don’t believe a loving God would put a raging fire in an immature kid and then damn him for doing what he can’t help doing.

It is my opinion that masturbation is not much of an issue with God…Jesus did not mention it in the Bible. I’m not telling you to masturbate, and I hope you won’t feel the need for it. But if you do, it is my opinion that you should not struggle with guilt over it.

Why do I tell you this? Because I deal with so many Christian young people who are torn apart with guilt over masturbation; they want to stop and just can’t. I would like to help you avoid that agony.

Guys, I wish someone had told me this when I was 22. Or 14.

Taking Control

If you choose to masturbate, you might consider “scheduling” it.

I don’t mean putting it on Google Calendar, bahaha.

I simply mean, you deciding how often is best in your own heart. You keeping it “in check.”

You controlling it. This approach works for some guys because it keeps you in charge — instead of your sexuality controlling you.

Take the example of food.

Food is pleasant. You feel better after eating, then you go on about your day.

But you don’t eat all day. You decide when to eat. Sometimes you might even “fast” occasionally to hear more clearly from God.

You choose not to let food control you.

You control it.

Same with masturbation.

You choose not to let it control you.

You control it.

(Cred: Big Stock)

The Burn

I’ve found that many young men don’t understand their own sexuality.

We talk and joke with our buddies, but we rarely get down to the facts.

Sexually speaking, it will help you to understand that, about every 2-3 days, you will feel what my college room mates and I called “The Burn”.

Sometimes less than 2-3 days.

The Burn does not mean you are perverted. You are simply functioning how God designed you to function.

The Burn is felt due to a build up of semen in your body.

When semen builds up, many men become agitated, edgy, frustrated, and have difficulty focusing on something other than — The Burn.

And it not because of “full” testicles.

That’s a misnomer.

Instead, the seminal vesicles are a pair of glands that are positioned below the urinary bladder. The seminal vesicles hold the liquid that mixes with sperm (from the testicles) to form semen.

So we can blame our balls for rushes of testosterone, but it’s our seminal vesicles that fill and cause the urge to ejaculate.

In fact, 65% of our seminal fluid volume during ejaculation comes from the seminal vesicles.

The prostate gland contributes another 25%. The testicles and Epididymas only contribute 10%.

Check out the diagram below.

(Yes. It’s that same diagram you took a sneak peak at the first day of middle school health class.)

How Often is Too Often?

For guys in their always-horny twenties, you may feel The Burn every day.

Or more than once a day.

As you have just read, there is a physical reason you regularly feel the urge to ejaculate.

Some guys find it very difficult to go out into a sex crazed world with The Burn.

So if you don’t yet have the sexual outlet of marriage, you might wait for the nocturnal emission, or — you might schedule some relief with boundaries.

Porn is not within those boundaries.

You can read about Escaping PORN HERE.

Squirrley MIND – VS – Awesome TRUTH

Mind:
I feel the need to ejaculate often.
I must not be normal.
I think about sex a lot.
I must have a sexual addiction or something is wrong with me.
I am pretty sure I am the only one, so I’ll just isolate myself.

Truth:
The Bible acknowledges that males will ejaculate in some form regularly.
God actually designed you to have a regular release with boundaries.
You can be sexual — and not lust.
You will not go to hell if you choose to masturbate.

So, gentlemen, I am not here to say you must masturbate.

I am not here to tell you to stop masturbating.

I am here to say that if you do, you are definitely not in the minority.

You are part of a majority.

Making it Real

Once you understand male sexuality and why you have the urge for release, you will find greater peace in the sexual room of your heart.

Realizing God designed you as a sexual being, not for lust, but for release – with boundaries – brings real freedom.

Rebooting, or, dumping your sexual idols (like porn), brings extraordinary liberty too, if you need to do that.

Many guys do need to continually destroy sexual idols.

You can do it.

Do not give up.

Learn How to Bounce Back When You are Struggling Sexually —> What To Do When You Miss It

Why do you think the Bible is silent on Masturbation?

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