| Mark Edward |

The longer I mentor, the more I am convinced:

There’s a colossal boatload of lonely males in America.

Surrounded by buddies. Having no authentic friends.

It’s an epidemic really. With Americans spending an alarming 4.7 hours a day* on The Glowing Rectangle (that thing you are reading this post on), there’s little time for nourishing friendships face to face.

Eye to eye.

Smiling big on the outside. Big time empty on the inside.

Many Vintage Photos Show Displays of
Manliness and Masculine Affection
Quite Foreign to us Now
(cred: The Art of Manliness)

By empty, I mean their Man Tank is empty.

The Man Tank

What I call The Man Tank™ is that part of a man’s soul that longs for healthy, wholesome, long-lasting relationships with other males.

The Man Tank is why Athletes athlete together. Creatives create together. Musicians musician together.

Go back with me for a minute to Genesis. God said it was not good for the man to be alone. He made a woman from his side to complete him. I for one, am glad.

I am deeply grateful for my woman.

Beyond words.

That being said, God also made a Man Tank in the soul every man. That tank can only be filled by healthy, robust relationships with other males, on 3 distinct plains.

Your woman (or your mom), however beautiful, will never be able to transfer masculinity to you. Only another male can do that.

The longing to fill The Man Tank is why fathers desire to hold their sons. Sons long to be loved and affirmed by their fathers.

It’s what caused the soul of Jonathan to be knit to David.

It’s why Elijah mentored Elisha.

It’s why Paul mentored Timothy, and went as far to say, that he needed Timothy in his life, and longed to see him.

It’s one reason Jesus choose Peter, James, and John as His Inner Circle amongst The Twelve.

Um — are you saying Jesus had a Man Tank?

Yep.

He had compassion.

He cried when learned his friend Lazarus had died. He was especially close to John, “one of the disciples whom Jesus loved.”

Many males have a dangerously low or empty Man Tank.

It’s what drives them to rage, violence, crime, drugs, gangs, and sexual acting out.

Even porn.

Guys long to be loved, accepted, and to genuinely be a part of another male’s journey. Every male desires real camaraderie his entire life. It doesn’t end.

The happiest, most fulfilled, most well rounded men in my Circle — are those men whose Man Tank is full – or is in the process of being filled.

I mentioned a minute ago that this filling occurs on 3 distinct plains.

Four Barrack Room Buddies | World War II

Check it out:

Beyond | Beside | Behind

Rev. Bob Pickett and Myself
March 1984, Santa Ana, California

One of my early mentors, 1983 through 1987.
Bob was my boss when I became a Tour Director over 38 musicians.
I was a young 21.

I learned so much about leadership, patience, and faithfulness
through many long phone conversations
and face to face – hands on mentoring.

1) The Plain Beyond™

On the Plain Beyond are those men who have journeyed further than you.

They are usually older than you.

They may be coaches, pastors, bosses, uncles, co- workers, or friends of your family.

Your dad could also be a mentor, although, sadly, many young men don’t have that open door.

My Dad and I

There are others like myself, who view mentoring as a life’s work and distinct calling. It’s not a switch they flip.

It’s what they breathe and live.

Every day.

They want to see other men behind them succeed while avoiding some of their own pitfalls.

Many young men have no mentors in their life. Not one.

How Many Mentors do I need?

More than One!

Take myself as an example:

I have a passion to help young men in the areas of Leadership, Mentoring, Destiny, Thought Life, Boundaries, Friendships, Dating, Sexuality, Marriage, Money, Parenting, and the ultimate lesson to be learned by every male on the planet: Son-ship with God.

However…

…if you asked me to mentor you on techniques for the most effective workout, train you to be the next Cristiano Ronaldo, or groom you for your successful career as a stock broker, I can’t help you.

You’ll need a mentor who possesses strengths in those areas.

Multiple Mentors with Various Strengths

I still seek out the counsel of my mentors when needed.

I currently have 3.

Dr. Warren Heckman has been in my life for the last 16 years. Another man, DJ, for the last 33 years (Editor: DJ passed away in January 2019). My dad (for the last, um, 56 years).

Dr. Warren Heckman and Mark
One of my Mentors since 2003

And I’ve had many other mentors during specific seasons of growth in my life. Those who journeyed with me for a season were just a valuable as my Life Time mentors.

I love, respect, and give honor to them, intentionally, whenever possible.

We never arrive.

There’s always a man who’s already walked the journey just ahead of us.

Why not ditch our pride and learn from him?

2) The Plain Beside™

Besides my Wife, Michael has been my
Best Friend on the earth since 1983.

Men on the Plain Beside are your peers.

This is a broader plain.

It’s your buddies.

Guys close to your age give or take a few years.

Guys seek to be listened to, affirmed, accepted, and respected by their peers. This plain is where healthy competition takes place too.

My College Roommate and I
Cocoa Beach, Florida, March 1989
We are still close in heart today.
Yes. I once had a 31″ waist.
I could still wear a 31, but I’m much more comfortable in a 40.

Many young men have acquaintances and buddies out the nose.

But a Level Five friendship like Jonathan and David?

Not many have that experience with the peers.

That takes vulnerability. That takes being real. That takes putting down The Glowing Rectangle.

Dr. Bruce Alan Abkes
A “Jonathan and David” Friend
Since 1984.

Young men with sanguine and outgoing creative personalities may have many “friends,” but those friendships often have little depth.

They are stuck and Level 2 or Level 3.

Once of my Core Goals as a Mentor is to eliminate that shallowness in the lives of young men.

We’ll talk about the “Levels” of friendships later, in Part Two.

3) The Plain Behind™

By behind, I don’t mean the younger man behind you is any less of a man.

It’s just that he hasn’t journeyed as far as you. He’s not as experienced. Not as mature.

He’s longing for an older more experienced friend or two, who will be available to show him the way, affirm his blossoming masculinity, and answer those personal questions he wants to ask.

The ones he has never asked anyone about. For fear of being rejected by another male.

God forbid.

The “Real” Don Johnson and his wife Monica.
One of my Mentors from 1983 to 2019 when he passed.
Don broadened my sense of humor
taking it to new heights (or lows).
Visiting Mr. Damm, Mrs. Damm, and the whole Damm family.

He brought me out of my shell.

He taught me to drive a Private Coach.
It changed my life forever.

When I was 15, my personal life was broken and shattered into what seemed like a million pieces.

My parents separated, for the third time after my freshman year of HS, then divorced.

God sent 3 men into my path to rescue me from my downward spiral into isolation and loneliness. They saw something in me I just couldn’t see.

My 17th BD
I was smiling for the camera. But I was pretty broken.

They offered affirmation. They took risks and placed responsibilities upon me.

With their loving guidance, I accomplished many things I didn’t think I could. Their wives to a certain extent, were my adopted mothers.

(Side note: Two years later, God mended my family. My amazing Dad and Mom are still my Number One Mentor and Cheer Leader with no equal. Great restoration story for another time).

Three Plains. Five Levels.

On all 3 plains of Authentic Friendships, you will find five Levels of Friendship.

As mentioned earlier, we’ll talk about the Five Levels in Part Two.

For now, take a break – let the concept of Three Plains of Authentic Friendships sink in.

The Plain Beyond (Your Mentors).
The Plain Beside (Your Peers).
The Plain Behind (Those You Mentor).

Then, when you’re ready, check out Part Two HERE

What steps can you take to jump start and strengthen your friendships on the 3 Plains of Authentic Friendships —

Beyond, Beside, and Behind?

Mark Edward

* Smart Phone stat: Digital Trends.com

Disclaimer: It would be impossible for me to post a picture or comment about every meaningful friendship I’ve enjoyed over 38 years of manhood. If you’re not in this post, and we’ve journeyed together personally, I’m guessing you’ll still find your name honored here: Shout Outs!

Feel free to reply below or email us privately if you don’t want your mother stalking your personal business.

We never share email addresses.

We won’t blow up your IN box. We don’t air your dirty laundry. Ever.

This article was first published on the site, I’d Rather Talk ™

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