| Mark Edward |

The average person spends 116 minutes per day on the social media.*

Over a lifetime, this translates into 5 years and 4 months.

More time than we spend eating. Or grooming.

Or socializing in person.

Net Gens (born 1995 and after) spend up to 9 hours per day on social media platforms.

In an effort to clear my brain, restore my soul, and look toward the future, I decided to take a 30 day break from all social media.

After some withdrawal, lights came on inside my heart while I was unplugged.

Here’s a few insights from those 30 days.

Clicked “Read More?” CONTINUE HERE:

1. We Are Not Defined By Likes

This may seem obvious. But is it?

How do you feel when the bright red number is less than you expected?

“Oh, that doesn’t bother me!”

Then why do we keep checking it? Multiple times daily.

I recently had a young man exclaim to me, “the picture of me and (insert girl’s name) got 89 likes!”

If the picture had only 8 likes, would he have felt less loved, less admired, and less important?

Indeed.

It doesn’t matter how they reply. If they reply. Or which emoji they respond with.

Or whether they respond at all.

It pains my soul to see young men place their value and self worth on how many thumbs clicked on “like.”

Likes and red hearts can be a false affirmation trap.

Are you disappointed when you don’t see “enough” of these?

2. We Don’t Have to Document Everything.

We can be so busy snapping pics and informing cyberspace about our amazing experience – that we don’t fully enjoy the amazing experience.

Some of the best moments of my life are not captured by The Glowing Rectangle.

Or shared on it.

They are etched in my memory.

Treasured in my soul.

Written in my journal.

This phone will not be in my hand in 30 years. My journals will be. My memory will still be strong.

No old man jokes please.

3. Unplugging Brings Tranquility and Wholeness.

Relief from blue light.

At night, light from our media devices actually tricks our brains into “daytime” mode – and keeps us from resting.

Google it.

Disconnect Your Phone.

Recharge Your Soul.

– Kristen Hewitt

(Credit: The School of Life – YouTube)

4. It’s OK If I Miss Out.

FOMO.

FOMO is a thing. Fear Of Missing Out.

For a month, I tracked the number of times my phone emerged from my left pant pocket in a day. One day it was 47 times.

No. I didn’t make 47 calls or respond to 47 texts, although there were some.

I was on my Bible App all day?

Nope.

Often, I was checking to see what I was missing out on. In the lives of people I rarely see.

Social media can fool us into thinking that our friends are hanging out.

Without us.

Social media can actually add to our loneliness.

A survey conducted by MyLife.com reveals 56% of people are afraid of missing out on events, news and important status updates if they are away from social networks.

5. We are Nose Deep into Information Overload

And it is choking us.

About 27% of participants in the same mylife.com survey flock to social sites as soon as they wake up.

Did you even pee yet?

Are we checking The Glowing Rectangle with one hand and holding our dongle with the other hand?

(I didn’t take this)

Sorry ladies. Remember, this site is for guys. You are not even suppose to be here.

Back to the Story! People are managing more social networking accounts as well.

Technology … which was supposed to make us freer and allow us to do more things, might actually be getting in the way.

Fifty-five percent of adults said that they felt overwhelmed by the amount of information they need to digest — just to stay up to speed.

Shea Bennett – Adweek.

About 42% of study participants have multiple social media accounts (like more than 1 Instagram) — and the percentage jumps to 61% for those between the ages of 18 and 34.

I have 6 (Three personal. And three for I’d Rather Talk).

The average person also manages 3.1 email addresses compared with 2.6 from last year (Survey from mylife.com).

One of My Media Free Places
Seaplane Basin Park, Davis Islands, Tampa Bay
So Much Healthy Reflection, Family Times, and Mentoring Here too.

6. My Soul and Spirit are More Peaceful.

During the 30 day break, I did not miss the endless flow of information and feedback.

Seriously.

I did not.

“I care about this screen more than I care about you.”
No. Just No.

7. I Am Seeking to Enjoy Face to Face Relationships More.

Can you watch a 30 minute Netflix – without checking your phone?

Do you check your phone while walking to your car after work?

Do you pull out your phone in the elevator?

What about in line at a grocery store?

Walking down the hall at work?

Personal avoidance.

Only 1 person is not staring into their cell phone. And he is wondering where he left his.

I actually had a person run smack into me in the hall at work because their face was buried in their phone.

I saw them coming. Yes. I let them run into me.

They looked at me like, “why weren’t you watching for me!!?”

I wanted to call them a name. But I didn’t say what came to my head.

I am sure you have read that a number of people have been struck, injured, fallen off cliffs, been mortally wounded – while staring into The Glowing Rectangle.

8. What Did We Do Before Social Media?

I’ll be honest.

Some soul pain from this phenomenon has happened in my own home.

Recently I was with my family waiting in the car for someone. Everyone was staring into their cell phone.

We weren’t talking.

(Klipsche)

We weren’t enjoying each other’s company.

Headphones add to the separation.

I don’t think The House of Estrogen usually reads my man blogs, but no fault to any one if they happen to be reading this.

I’ve been guilty too.

So. What did we do before 2006?

Before the internet was in our pocket?

We played games. We watched movies – without distraction.

We talked about life.

We took walks.

We fell asleep on each other’s floors after acting crazy and laughing.

I obtained my first cell phone in 1999.

Prior to that, I made it 36 years without the phone ringing and buzzing in my Honda or in my pocket.

It’s not going away.

But if we are going to keep healthy relationships, it needs to be a tool to bring us together.

Instead of separating us.

9. Social Media Gone Wild.

I have been asked by several young men with whom I journey, to get the Snapchat App.

“You’ve just gotta get one – the filters are lit…” my dear 20-something friend recently exclaimed.

I crazy love you guys.

And, yeah, it’s cool.

But. We really don’t need more ways to communicate with our thumbs.

We can text. We can IM.

OK. Snap if you want.

There’s a place for that. Sometimes.

But texting, IMing, and snapping is flat.

So one dimensional.

Without a voice or a face, have your ever said,

“I wonder what he/she really meant by THAT?”

Not to mention the large number of text messages that go not returned.

Conversing with someone on the phone (the first reason why phones were created) is better.

Hearing someone’s voice!

Face to face is best. Body language is 50% of communication.

Extra tidbit of Snapchat advice:

I am not against Snapchat.

Yet, I have watched more than one young man in my Circle get snared by Snapchat.

Since pictures go away – in the heat of a horny moment, why not send a dick shot to your significant other, right?

Ever receive a nude from them? No one will know. But you will. And they will.

Your iCloud will.

And you just sold your soul.

Snapchat gave me a more meaningful relationship with my girlfriend / wife / significant other. It really enhanced our relationship!

Said no one ever.

While I’m on this, a number of men with whom I have journeyed, were (or are), enslaved by Tinder. Or Grindr.

Did he just say Grindr?

Yes. He did.

It doesn’t have to be you.

10. It’s Not a Place for Resolving Conflict.

I love Millennials and Net Gens.

You are the reason why I write.

Yet Millenials and Net Gens often engage in personal wars on the social media. Heck, Baby Boomers too.

Men in Washington even.

From FB to Twitter to Snapchat to IG, thumbs punch out thoughts that are better left unsaid.

That hateful tweet.

(Remix by Digital Trends)

Would you say that to their face?

In front of their family or friends, face to face? To their momma?

Gentlemen, we demonstrate more strength – we are more powerful – by holding our tongue.

Need to resolve a conflict?

Don’t do it on the social media.

Don’t IM. Don’t even text.

For that matter, don’t email.

Refuse to hide behind your fingers and thumbs.

If you do, you are weak.

Pick up the phone. Or go to that person.

In person.

11. Social Media Does Little to Enhance Genuine, Personal, Relationships.

Very few young men have been taught the art of personal relationships.

Learn more about forming healthy friendships HERE.

In my experience as a husband, father, and mentor of 35 years, Personal Avoidance is one of the biggest fractures created by technology.

I will hide behind my thumbs. I will isolate.

Gentlemen, Isolation Kills.

Learn more about how to overcome isolation HERE.

12. I Didn’t Get Chick – Fil – A Sauce on my Smart Phone.

I ate with both hands.

My phone stayed in my pocket.

I actually enjoyed the taste of my #1 meal with waffle fries.

13. It’s Just the Tip of the Iceberg

Let’s be real.

The social media is rarely reality.

Or partial reality at the most.

There’s life.

Then there’s Facebook life. Or Instagram Life. Or Snapchat Life.

Everything is not as it seems.

While the sunshine is beaming on the tip of the iceberg, what lies beneath the water?

I’ve viewed posts of what appears to be an utterly and sublimely joyful outing on someone else’s social media — only to know that in reality, they are brutally suffering and ready to end it all.

Because they personally told me so.

We tend to post our most positive experiences.

When everyone else’s life looks so amazing – bigger houses, newer cars, cruises, vacations – we can sometimes feel like we have failed – when in reality, our day to day lives are probably similar.

When was the last time you posted a filtered Snap of you cleaning the toilet or doing 5 loads of dirty laundry?

14. The Reactions of Some Were Interesting.

“Are you OK? I saw you took a break! What’s wrong?”

In other words, “What’s going on in your life. Why are ignoring us now on the social media?”

I know a young man who completely left the social media (as in DELETED IT) – and was scorned by his “friends” for it.

Those same “friends” don’t know how to pick up a phone and have a conversation, let alone meet face to face.

Gentlemen, those “friends” — are not real friends.

(BTW, I deeply admire and respect that young man. He left the social media because some of the photos were tripping up his thought life. And it was affecting his self worth.

You are honorable dear young friend.)

15. Is your I-phone an I-dol?

Recently, a young man I’ve befriended switched back to a flip phone.

No.

You don’t know him.

“I could never do THAT!”

What if it saved your marriage from implosion?

What if it preserved your Legacy as a parent?

Radical Change Brings Radical Change.

(And if you’re reading this, I am so proud of you and your courage godly young friend. You are an honorable man. You will indeed do all God has for you. )

I’m reminded of yet another young man whom I love deeply.

When I met him he had a flip phone. He was one of the happiest young men I’ve met.

Ever.

Enter — his new smart phone.

As of this writing, he is caged by a daily porn habit on that smart phone.

No judgement. Just deep pain. Erosion of the gifts of God in his life.

Destruction.

(If you are reading this dear young friend, I am still proud of you too. You can overcome. It’s not too late. I love you. #TTT )

Mark, What Was Your Greatest Insight Being off the Social Media?

The best revelation during my break – was the change in focus from what everyone else is doing — to what I need to do.

What is God showing me?

For my future?

My wife?

My adult children?

My Mentoring Circle?

Healthy Changes I’ve Made

A. I Removed all Social Media From My Main Phone Screen.

Put the Social Media in it’s place.

I buried mine 2 menus in.

And turn those notifications OFF!

B. I Check it Once a Day.

What??? NO way.

Yes way.

Some days, not at all.

Intentionally.

And I can check it in 10 minutes. Don’t get drawn into #ETS.

(Eternal Thumb Swiping)

I rejoice with those who rejoice, but honestly, I really don’t need to see 7 filtered shots of the shrimp cocktail or lobster you ate at your casual lunch by the beach.

I’m slaving away here at work, eating my home-made turkey sandwich, LOL.

C. I ask myself, “Is what I am about to post relevant to my friends – will they truly enjoy my carefully crafted post?”

Honestly, sometimes the answer is no.

Would this post be significant if were talking face to face?

D. What is My Motive for this Post?

Ask that question.

Answer it honestly.

(Narcissism in America- Getty)

E. I’ve Severely Trimmed my News Feed.

If you post about politics.

If you are still bashing presidents who aren’t even in The White House any more.

If you are always negative — chances are, Angels pulled you from my daily feed some time ago.

Not de-friended. Well… maybe in some cases 🙂

My current FB feed consists of those with whom I actually journey.

Family (well, most family LOL).

Friends that I am impacting. Or they are impacting me for the good.

Life long, long-haul friends.

People that bring happiness. Joy. Laughter. Insight. Fun.

F. I am Back to Guilt Free.

I am not accountable to “like” every event or photo.

Someone said that freedom from FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) also means I don’t have to be privy to everyone else’s life.

I don’t need to feel obligated to like every post — for fear of offending a friend at their special event.

Dats Truth.

Or feel guilty that I don’t measure up, have what they have, or live like they (apparently) live.

On the tip of their iceberg.

How Do I Know If My Social Media and Phone Habits are Unhealthy?

Try going off line for a day.

Or a week.

I once went completely off the grid for 3 days. By completely, I mean, my phone was turned off.

Off.

Many people think they “can’t live” without their phone turned on. That guys, is a myth.

I lived 36 years without a cell phone. I drove all over the nation without one. Away from my kids. Away from my wife.

Somehow, everyone made it.

Indeed, I lived 45 years without the internet in my pocket.

And lived well.

Making it Real

I am not saying eliminate the social media.

A number of you are reading this post about social media – from a social media.

I also understand the enormous value and importance of Networking.

I am saying put it in it’s place.

If social media is like an idol or an addiction in your life, then yeah, delete them.

You can always reinstall them if you want — after you’ve realigned your priorities.

I am not saying throw away your cell phone.

But really – how much time do you spend staring into your I-Phone or Android?

Join me in getting back to Life.

Face to Face.

What Steps Can You Take Today to Return Social Media to a Healthy Place in your Daily Life?

Does the Glowing Rectangle Dictate Your Day?

Does Your Phone Separate You From People in your Daily Life?

p.s I checked my phone 9 times during the final edit of this post. FOMO! It’s still a work in progress! Aaron Edward just texted me. Make that 10 times.

p.s.s I am watching a couple right now in Dunkin’ Donuts 10 feet from me.

They are both staring into their smart phones. No one is smiling.

*Socialmediatoday.com – 2017 / 2018
This figure increased during the Pandemic.

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Feel free to reply below or email us privately if you don’t want your mother stalking your personal business.

We never share email addresses.

We won’t blow up your IN box. We don’t air your dirty laundry. Ever.

This article was first published on the site, I’d Rather Talk ™

What? Not following us on Social Media? (Maybe I should take this part out of this post!)

We don’t clog up your feed. We don’t tweet hourly. We don’t care about Likes. We don’t need more Followers for our ego. We don’t post closeups of Shrimp Cocktail.

Insights tastefully cybered to men. Once in a while.