– Mark Edward –

On a balmy April evening I received a late night text from one of the guys in My Circle.

I’ve been a night owl my entire life, so, unless I’m hanging with my family, I’m easy to reach late. 

The young man seemed troubled.  He was at his wit’s end.  

He asked if he could stop by.

Seven minutes later he arrived in my driveway.

He appeared a bit sheepish.

As I do with all the guys I mentor, I looked him in the eye and I greeted him with a strong man-hug, which sends the message, “You are accepted, and affirmed, no matter what you are about to tell me.”

We jumped in his truck.

When I have private conversations with other men, I leave the house to keep them that way:

Private.

As he drove, the loathsome look on the young man’s face screamed, “I feel crummy.”

A section from my journal written later that night explains why:

…For 3 hours he poured his heart out about viewing porn. 

 

It doesn’t appear to be an addiction, but it is negatively affecting his heart. 

 

We talked about forgiveness.  We prayed.  Tangible peace flooded his truck.  

 

The Presence of God was thick.  God forgave. 

 

He forgave himself.

Turns out, everyone at his house was gone, and after a night of great victory (at church), he surfed the web, viewed porn, and jacked off.

Attacks often come after times of sweet victory.

It’s not getting off that’s a big deal.

We’ve talked about this in other articles like (The “M” Word).

God created men to ejaculate.

Ejaculation is not evil.

Yet, the unbridled lust associated with porn oppresses hearts – that are normally tender before God – with extreme guilt.

Guilt chokes.

Guilt holds us back.

For more insights on the root of PORN use check out:  Porn: It’s Not About the PICS

 photo credit dwacon.com

When we men talk about “missing it”, we often think of temptation or sexual sin.

However, the simple steps shared below can help you in any area of life whenever you miss it:

• Overspending
• Overeating (unhealthy diet)
• Wrong relationships
• Uncontrolled anger
• Lying
• Pride
• Manipulation
• No time in The Word or Prayer
• Narcissism (selfishness)
• Gossip
• Poor Leadership Decisions
• Parenting Errors (had one of those myself this week)
• Words that wound…

We could fill up a page with areas where we miss it.

Maybe it’s not a “sin.”

It could be just an area where you struggle.

I’d like to share a personal follow-up letter I sent to my young friend.

It will take a few minutes, but the honesty and transparency of this letter will help you.   Names changed to protect the innocent as always!

(Mentoring Tip:  After personal discussions, always follow up!)

April 29, 20_ _

WHAT TO DO IF YOU MISS IT

Hey Ethan,

It was great hanging with you as always.

Here’s a few thoughts that might help.

Since the door for lust was opened while masturbating to porn, let’s talk about that for a second:

The act of masturbation, in itself, is not necessarily a sin, although a lot of guys wonder if it is right or wrong.

Jacking can actually be a “relief” and allow you to go on about your normal life without sexual frustration.

Yet, if porn is involved, that act of relief quickly becomes lust for the women in those images, and that is where sin enters.

While the Bible is silent on the “M” word, it does have much to say about lust!

Ejaculation is not wrong.

Lust is.

I won’t get into the conversation about masturbation now; maybe another time.

Instead, tonight, I feel led to write you about, “What To Do When You Miss it.”

Many men can identify with the personal struggle you shared with me.

In fact, we’ve all missed it.  God’s Word clearly says,

All have sinned and fall short (present tense) of the Glory of God. (Romans 3:23)

I’m not saying you have to give in to lust.

There is always a way of escape.  But if you do, don’t lay there and bleed.

Instead, Try This:

1.  Confess it to God     

When we confess our sin, He IS faithful and just to forgive you and cleanse you.
 (I John 1:9).

 “He forgives all my sin…The Lord is compassionate and merciful, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love.  He has removed our sin as far as the east is from the west (can’t be measured). The Lord is like a father to His children, tender and compassionate to those who fear (reverence) Him. 
(Psalm 103:3, 9, 12)

These promises are not a license to lust.

Yet, accepting them and speaking them out loud will get you back on track quickly if you do.  What great promises these are.

 

2.  Let Him Wash You and Move You Forward

In the realm of the Spirit, there are “rivers and floods” to wash you and move you forward if you do miss it.

When I was younger, I had an amazing vision of these “rivers and floods” when I was struggling with lust.

I wrote in my journal:

“Rivers of Mercy” to wash you from the sin…

 

“Floods of Grace”, whose currents will swiftly lift you back up and move you on…forward…away from the sin, to a new place.

 

Don’t mope in your temporary sin.

Let mercy wash you and grace carry you out and away.

Check out Isaiah 30:18 (Amplified Bible)

And therefore the Lord earnestly waits, expecting, looking, and longing, to be gracious to you;  and therefore He lifts Himself up, that He may have mercy on you and show loving-kindness to you.

 photo courtesy 1ms.net

3.  Forgive Yourself 

Don’t dwell on the sin.

Get back into your “Arsenals” (His Word).

Like the story of the prodigal son in Luke 15, The Father is eager to restore you.

We don’t deserve it, but restoration is ours.

We don’t earn it.  It’s free.

We can’t pay it back.  So don’t try.

Just accept it.

photo credit: artist unknown

Ethan, take 5 minutes right now & read Luke 15:11-32 in the AMPL or MSG…

   This is how Your Father treats you when you repent.

 photo courtesy: Homecoming of the Prodigal Son by Pompeo Girolamo Batoni

4.  Let Go of Guilt

Guilt chokes.

Guilt holds us back.

How do we get rid of it?

Proverbs 16:6
Guilt is banished through (God’s) love and truth…

The truth is He loves you & has already forgiven you.

…Fearing and reverencing God deflects future evil.

 Get back into His Presence, worshiping & reverencing Him.

Next time, when “future evil” comes, literally throw your hands in the air and start worshiping God!  It works!

  

Psalm 116:1-7 (various) (New Living Translation)

¹ I love the Lord because He hears my voice and my prayer for mercy.

² Because He bends down to listen,

I will pray as long as I have breath!

⁴ Then I called on the name of the Lord:
“Please, Lord, save me!”

⁵ How kind the Lord is! How good He is!
So merciful, this God of ours!

⁷ Let my soul be at rest again,
for the Lord has been good to me.

 

5.  Don’t give up.  Ever.  It’s not an option!

Go forward from here.

Even if you stumble 2 steps backward, you can still take 3 steps forward by meditating on –  and speaking out loud –  The Word (from your Arsenal).

Eventually you will get there.

One day, you will look back and say,

“Look how far I’ve come!!”

Psalm 34:14 AMPL
Depart from evil and do good; seek peace, inquire for it and crave peace, pursue it.  GO after it. 

Keep chasing good. 

Keep chasing peace. 

Even after you “miss it”.

These passages might be the most important weapons you have in your Word Arsenal.

You will use them to “repair wounds” after a battle you have temporarily  lost.

They will help heal you and get you back in the war.

You will use them to help heal other men in your future!

Finally, I commend you for opening up and seeking godly counsel in this very personal area of lust.

Masturbation is one thing.  God designed you to ejaculate.

But porn will weigh you down with intense guilt.

There is freedom from guilt in Christ Jesus when we confess it, and move on.

It’s not always easy.  There will be days when you think, “I’m never gonna conquer this…”, but you will.

And you are.

I love you and I am “for” you, as is your dad, and your “inner circle” friends.

One of the keys for victory is to have godly friendships with guys who are your peers.

I promise – they understand and have experienced your temporary struggle.

The second is to have godly mentors who love you deeply and will stand with you for the long haul.

Ethan, don’t allow your “miss its” to hinder your gifts and callings.

Your gifts and callings don’t change just because of a temporary slip up.

“Admit it.  Quit it.  Forget it.”

Three Steps Forward.

Two Steps Back.

You still make it.

You still get there!

It’s not too late.

Mark

---

Guys, if your brain works like mine, you are wondering if my fine photo selections where in the original letter. 

Nope.  

But Millenials and INET Gens ‘bounce’ without visuals, haha.  

Heck, I like visuals.  Let’s wrap it up:

Making It Real

Confess it

Let Him Wash You & Move You Forward

Forgive Yourself

Let Go of Guilt

Don’t Give Up!!

 

If you’re not building your Word Arsenal to strengthen your thought life, you won’t make it.

You can start building your own Arsenal Here: Arsenal on Thought Life – Home Page

So gentlemen…this might be a ‘good’ week for you.

You may not need these steps today, but sometime you will.

Where have you missed it? 

What steps will you take to move forward?