| Mark Edward |

I’m sitting in the Pavilion Crossing Starbucks in Tampa Bay, thinking back on the thousands of conversations I have experienced with the young men in my Circle over the last 37 years.

Because I am crazy auditory, I can repeat some of them word for word – years later.

One of the supreme joys of my life is meeting with young men weekly. One on one.

Talking to guys around the nation by phone, text, and Face-time. It’s what I am meant to do.

I’ve heard everything in 37 years of mentoring, that’s for sure.

Besides the typical curious questions on sexuality, one of the most frequent and heartfelt statements that fall on my musician ears goes something like this:

Mark… I just wanna be the best man / husband / dad / son of God I can be.

What should I do? Where do I start?

Can you help me?

With great passion, I answer with affirmation:

Yes. I can.

Let’s work on it together. Let’s get a plan.

So, does it really matter if you complete your Man Journey?

Indeed. It does.

What good is the tallest building in the world, without a carefully crafted and firmly built foundation, established solidly, deep within the earth?

Every man must complete his foundation.

What is My Man Journey?

Your Man Journey is the foundation upon which you will successfully build your masculinity, your marriage, fatherhood, your destiny — your entire life.

It is The Key to happily walking with your Most High God.

Establishing and completing the foundation of your Man Journey will allow you to fulfill your destiny.

I’ll just say it:

Everything in your future depends upon the successful completion of your Man Journey.

A house without a strong and well-built foundation, no matter how beautiful, will crumble.

It can’t stand the storms and quakes of life without a solid foundation.

Similarly — for your manhood to be confident, your masculinity to be real, your marriage to thrive, your fatherhood to be fulfilling and wisdom packed, your destiny to shine — your foundation must be whole.

Your foundation must be complete.

Your foundation is underground – where no one sees it.

Yet your visible life will eventually crumble without it.

Who Can Help Me Complete My Man Journey

Your Father God.

First and always first, time in The Presence of the The Most High God is the deepest bedrock layer of your foundation.

Everything you need is found in His Presence.

Everything.

Time in His Word.

Not hours a day. But, just meditating on a passage until you ‘get it’.

Until it is burned into your spirit. Until it comes up into your mind during times of crisis.

Surrender.

Holding nothing back from God.

Not one thing.

Not one pet habit.

Worship.

Telling God what He means to you.

Letting Him minister to you. Simple fellowship with Him.

Conversations with God.

Music can help, but it’s not required.

Devin Robert Mueller,
David Camden Mueller,
Talking about the Man Journey since 2008.
Now they are grown men.

A Mentor.

Someone who has walked further than you.

The young men I have observed who experience the most success completing their Man Journey, meet with a mentor regularly, as in weekly, for an extended period of time.

A year. Two years. Five years.

Maybe journeying together for life. Like Paul and Timothy.

The time to complete your Man Journey is different for every guy.

Do whatever it takes.

As long as it takes.

Your Close Buddies.

Regular time nourishing friendships with your bros.

Being happy and content as males.

Not needing a woman to make you feel manly or confident.

I’m talking about Level 5 friends. Learn more about building close, healthy male friendships HERE.

These are your friends, your peers, who understand you, who love you, and, in a spirit of love – not judgement – will hold you accountable to your Man Journey goals.

A Woman Cannot Help You with Your Man Journey.

She has never been a man.

She does not have testosterone hanging between her legs, a penis, or the fragile Male Ego.

Mama? No.

Girlfriend? No.

Wife? No.

In fact, a woman might stand in the way – – no – – I’m just gonna say it — will stand in the way of the completion of the Man Journey.

Nothing against women.

I love my mine supremely. But she couldn’t complete my Man Journey for me.

It would be like you telling a woman how to push a baby out of her vagina, or giving her tips on surviving her monthly period.

You’ll never know by experience.

Nope.

Creating the Template for Your Man Journey

Pointing again to the success of some of the young men in my Circle, the guys who:

Set Man Journey goals – In writing.
Become accountable to a healthy, honest, yet caring,mentor.
Interact and build trust with a couple of trusted godly buddies / peers in their circle.
Keep meeting regularly chipping away at the goals…… those are the guys who complete their Man Journey.

Simply put, the first step is making a written or digital list of things you want to accomplish as a single man.

Your Written Goals May Include Things Like:

– Being completely happy with yourself. Comfortable in your own skin.

Alone. Without a woman.

– Recognizing your gifts, both spiritually and career wise.

– Taking steps to nourish and actively GROW those gifts.

– Understanding your strengths.

– Understanding your weaknesses.

– Having your weaknesses conquered or at least in check. That’s called Self Control.

A term we no longer use in the 21st Century.

– Understanding and accepting your God-given sexuality with a positive outlook.

– Self control in your sexuality.

What are your sexual boundaries?

Will you have sex with a possible mate you are dating, or will you decide to wait?

Is “sex” just vaginal sex, or do you consider oral sex and mutual masturbation to be sex as well?

What about respecting your date’s boundaries? What are they?

You can’t wait until the heat of the moment to set boundaries.

– Conquering Porn.

We dudes are visual. If we have the chance to see nudity, we are probably going to take it.

We are designed us to be visual as males, so there’s no shame in visual curiosity. But like everything good, there are boundaries here too.

Porn is false. Porn destroys. It’s not the kind of sex you will have in real life.

You need to ejaculate, but you don’t need porn to ejaculate.

You can un-train that porn habit if you want.

– Alcohol / Drugs. A man who gets drunk or is mashed or cracked-out is not ready to lead his wife.

Or his children. Or himself. He is running from pain.

Yep. You can argue with me if you want – but I’ve been watching guys for 37 years – it’s just the stark truth.

But.

You can be free of substances too and learn to have moderation. Or if needed, abstinence. Every dude is different.

– Money. Overspending.

Saving.

Establishing and following a budget. What? You’ve never written a budget?

– Living successfully on your own –

your own place, a car — having a general idea of where you are headed in life (at least for the near future).

– Common Courtesy. It’s scary that I have to type this, but some guys really don’t know how to treat a woman.

They only think of themselves and how they feel when they are around that woman.

Courtesies are behaviors.

You can learn them.

What does a real woman, really want?

– Healthy Friendships with other Males.

If you can’t build, nourish, and maintain long term friendships with another guy who you understand – how will you ever build, nourish, and maintain a long term relationship with her?

– Laziness / Self Discipline. All that time spent surfing the glowing rectangle.

Several hours each day?

Nothing against YouTube, FB, Instagram, Snapchat, TikTok, or Netflix.

But.

What if you spent that time working on your Man Journey?

Investing time in yourself, growing as a man?

You won’t complete your Man Journey by surfing the interwebs.

Check it Out! Examples of Real Life Man Journey Goals — drafted by young men in our Circle.

Good Stuff. Get inspired.

What are Some Barriers to Completing My Man Journey?

Getty Images

The Girl.

You need a girl.

God said it’s not good for you to be alone (forever).

But. Timing, gentlemen. Timing.

Don’t get the girl before The Foundation.

It only ends in hurt.

I mentioned it already, but I recommend not getting involved with a girl at all – not for this season –

until each and every one of your Man Journey goals are met.

I didn’t need my wife when I met her.

She didn’t need me.

We were happy as single people.

We had completed our man (and woman) journeys. We weren’t even looking.

Then BOOM!

There she was.

I was able to pursue her because my Man Journey was complete.

Her Woman Journey was complete.

You will have supreme joy when you arrive to the delightful place of being satisfied with who you are.

Not who you are when she is around.

Not who you are when she is crushing on you.

Not who you are when she is stroking your male ego. Or stroking your man parts.

Yes.

I just went there.

Your Mom.

The girl in your way might be a mama from whom you haven’t yet separated. Read about Cutting the Apron Strings HERE.

Feeling Like Giving Up.

Once you commit to completing your Man Journey, you can’t stop.

Don’t abort.

Don’t you dare let up or give up no matter what. Keep meeting with your mentor, your buddies, your God – until it is complete.

Until it is done. You’ll have some frustrations.

Tears. Growth brings pain.

But good pain.

Until your foundation shines like the sun.

Not perfect.

Yet complete.

Being Too Busy.

Young men seem to fill every breathing second of their lives.

Completing your Man Journey will take time.

Weekly. Set time aside.

Hours. Yes, hours.

Electronics off.

What if I am Already Married?

I’ve encountered several young men who are married – who have not yet completed their Man Journey.

It’s not too late.

After a house is built, a foundation can be updated, strengthened, repaired, and shored up. It’s not easy. It can be costly.

But it CAN be done.

Do it married guys. Do it.

You must.

Of course, if you are already married, you can’t just disconnect from your wife.

Have a non threatening, yet honest discussion with your wife about your need for some time weekly – with a mentor, to finish your Man Journey.

She will thank you for it later.

She’s probably been longing for it.

Credit: Matt Mayberry

How Will I Know When I’ve Completed my Man Journey?

Simply put, there will come a day when you will look in the mirror and confidently exclaim, “I am a different man!”

You’ll review your goals and realize you’ve conquered them.

You’ll just know it.

Your mentors will know it.

Your buddies will know it.

God will confirm it to your heart.

You’ll have overwhelming peace about your foundation.

Guys, from the deepest room in my Mentor Heart, I urge every man, single, or married, to begin & complete your Man Journey.

Do this journey first.

Start it now.

What Steps Will You Take Today to Complete Your Man Journey?

For Helpful Related Reading and Podcasts on Dating, Scroll Down…

Dedications

“Your Man Journey” is dedicated to the over 200 young men with whom I have been honored to be part of your Man Journey.

You’re in Ohio. You’re in Missouri. You’re in Oklahoma. You’re in South Dakota. You’re in Washington. You’re in Massachusetts. You’re in California. You’re in Tennessee. You’re in Georgia. You’re in Texas. You’re in Kansas. You’re in Louisiana. You’re in Arizona. You’re in Florida. You’re in Alabama.

You’re making music in Nashville, or serving in the Military around the world.

Each with your personal place carved into my heart. Each with your own Well from which to draw.

I don’t have the right words to thank you for standing with me over the recent harrowing events in my own journey. Too many to list, But You Might Find Your Name HERE.

Some of you have completed your Man Journey. Some of you have started, – but have not finished.

It’s not too late.

Just do it.